They were really being creative with that one: a flame whip

http://www.cinemassacre.com/Movies/Nes_Nerd.html

This kid is great but kind of grating.

It's so reeeeeeeeeeeal

lol

1 point to Big Ten network, 1 point bars, -1 point cable company

So I'm not sure how my worst most hated enemy, the cable company, can win this fight.

So basically the setup is that the Big Ten schools all got together and formed the big ten network channel, wherein most non-national Big Ten games (used to be on something called ESPN+ on a local channel) will not be shown, even in their home market, unless that cable company takes on the Big Ten network. The local cable network, as they are wont to do, decides to tell the Big Ten network to fuck themselves.

Which comes to today, where I sit down this afternoon and see that Illinois-whoever the fuck they're playing football game IS NOT ON ANY CHANNEL IN CHAMPAIGN-URBANA. Despite some retarded astroturfing ads that tried to shift the blame to the Big Ten network for this total clusterfuck, one can't help but think that no matter how it shakes out the cable company is fucked on this one. Who are customers of their fucking service going to be upset with when they can't get the channel? Who are they going to call today when they see their local game isn't on? Really? You think they're going to attribute blame to the Big Ten network? Guess what cable company, fuck you, they don't give a *shit* if you and the Big Ten network don't get along, because they're going to hold you accountable. As they should.

Because ultimately, someone explain to me why I get channels I don't want? Why are there packages of channels and not ala carte channels I can construct a lineup out of myself? Why am I recieving Court TV, for example? Fox News? MSNBC? Headline News? Would I rather have Fox Soccer Channel maybe? The answer to all these questions is the cable companies wanting my fucking money to which I give a hearty "fuck you." I hope they lose a shitload of customers over this debacle here in C-U and elsewhere when people realize they can watch their games on the Big Ten network on DirecTV or whatever.

Review: Mt. Dew Game Fuel

When you want to charge it up and get chugged...

This stuff tastes like ass.

Rank Hypocrisy

Last night I got stuck behind a Volkswagen Passat who thought that the speed limit is 20 MPH on the way to my soccer game. The car had two bumper stickers:

1) "IRAQ IS ARABIC FOR VIETNAM" -- well, fair enough. I don't think it's as perfect a match as a lot of war critics do, but it's not unlike it at all.

2) (And here I'm paraphrasing) "NO ONE IS FREE WHILE OTHERS ARE OPPRESSED" -- Really? I'd love to hear what sort of solution that a hypothetical third bumper sticker would offer vis-a-vis rescuing people from oppression...

You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.

Like Broseph Stalin, you are leading the way to the dictatorship of the broletariate. It is truly revbrolutionary. Like the Bro v. Wade of our generation. You brobliterate the enemy from the very peak of Mt. Brolympus. That's some shit. That's brolific. But that's the kind of bro you are.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/bro_youre_a_god_among_bros

I can't stop fucking laughing. They got me good.

A Pitcher's Count

Strike One -- sharing your iTunes playlist at work.

Strike Two -- sharing your iTunes playlist at work when it includes two albums by the "Cunninlynguists."

Horse Racing

It's finally happened -- Rick Ankiel has passed J.D. Drew in HR:

Player G AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB BA OBP SLG
Ankiel 23 81 22 29 6 0 9 29 0 .358 .409 .765
Drew 122 405 70 102 24 3 7 49 2 .252 .353 .378

Of course, it also turns out he's probably on steroids.