Fuck it. I'll bite. I DON'T EVEN OWN A TV!

1. Book that changed your life:
"The Children's Book of Knowledge." I'm not sure whether that's the title, but it was a giant compendium of essays for children explaning how lightning works, how pinball machines were invented, the story of the first toothbrush, etc. I got it when I was four or so and read it until it disintegrated. My mom actually tried to find a new copy when my little brother got to reading age, but to no avail. So it might have actually been a ghost.

2. Book you've read more than once:
Bjarne Stroustrup's "The C++ Programming Language."

3. Book you'd want for a desert island:
I've always thought this was an asinine question. You'd think it's the same as "favorite $object," but it's not. So what does the desert island criterion change?

4. Book that made you laugh:
"Factory and Manager in the USSR," by Joseph Berliner. The setup? A system where you have to outproduce your 5-Year-Goal by at least 25% if you don't want to get shot, but in order to do so you have to illegally bribe somebody to get the raw materials. The punchline? Turn that system into a functioning market democracy post 1991.

Well, I think that's funny, anyway.

5. Book you want written:
I'd like to see either "A People's History of Europe" or "A People's History of the Middle East." Maybe "A People's History of Africa." The USA doesn't have a monopoly on genocide, hate speech and raging hypocrisy, so why should it have a stranglehold on scenester-approved exposes of the same?

6. Book that shouldn't have been written:
"Why the Caged Bird Sings, and other Poems."

Think about it.

7. ... that made you cry:
I cried at the end of "Rudy" the first time I saw it. I'm not going to lie. Which isn't a book, to the best of my knowledge, but hey.

8. Currently reading:
"Killing Yourself to Live," by Chuck Klosterman. "Irreverent" music writer goes on a cross-country road trip to experience the sites of famous tragedies in music (Graceland, the spot where Ronnie Van Zandt's plane crashed, the spot where Duane Allman's plane crashed, etc.)

9. Meaning to read:
I'm trying to kick the habit, actually.