The cutest little thing

I have to tell you about the cutest little thing my son did yesterday.

I was feeding him his usual breakfast and Cheerios and banana, and I decided to give him a little grapefruit. Well, after the first spoonful, one of his eyes closed, he pursed his little lips and shuddered at the unexpected tart flavor! I laughed, and laughed, and every time I showed him the spoon with the grapefruit piece in it, he would do it again, without even tasting it!!

It's amazing how he's developing, becoming a person - with his own likes and dislikes.

For instance, he absolutely hates watching Teletubbies. But he loves hardcore pornography, which he asked me to give him for his 43rd birthday next week.

Beyond the Looking Glass

I'm working in a small team with a guy named Neil, and I'm like "Dude, where's your eyepatch and goatee?"

Society under glass

Probably the most fascinating discovery I made about my ant farm is how much their society is a microcosm of ours: Divisions of class and work, amazing construction efforts, and the tiny piles of pornography.

Here, let me look at you.

Here, let me look at you. My God, you’re beautiful.

How could I have not seen your loveliness all these years?

Your face, round and smooth between my hands, your soft skin, rich and thick like pudding. What’s that green pudding with the nuts in it? Pistachio? Man, I do like pistachio pudding. But you look nothing like that. Your face is more like that white pudding with the rice in it, only without the rice.

And your neck, long and taut yet tender, smelling hazily of floral perfume. It’s a real shame you have to wear this neck brace for the next six weeks. I’m sure lots of people will stare and you and then look away when you notice, and some will laugh. I’m sorry I laughed at you.

Your breasts, sweet and big and large. I’m very attracted to you, and it’s not because of your massive knockers. You’re a lovely person inside and out. Here, I bought you a present. It’s a brassiere with the cups cut out. I’ll wait here while you put it on.

Have I mentioned how I love when you lie on your back, and you let me play Matchbox cars on your belly? Sometimes, there will be a fire in the Quaker Oats factory right by your navel, and fire trucks from Tits Town will race over the top of Hip Bone Hill, narrowly surviving an ambush by rogue army men, crashing through a Lincoln Log wall, only to smash into the factory after careening through a three-story loop, barely missing the closing jaws of a crocodile? I love that about you.

Your eyes, twinkling sapphires, see right through me, don’t they? What am I thinking right now? What do I most fear? And where are my G.D. keys?

Dude, WTF?

I just saw an ad for MLB 2K7.

The background music was Nirvana's "Breed."

Old Age? You're soaking in it!