Welcome to Our Ool-- Notice There is no P in it

I haven't written anything in a while-- so how about predicting the group stage of the World Cup?

Group A: Germany, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Poland. Well, Germany's got to be a safe bet as the host country. Does Poland get a host-ish country boost? They finished second in an extremely weak qualifying group (Azerbaijan?); Ecuador's been tested against Argentina and Brazil. That said, Poland started a Nigerian last time around and I am nothing if not a friend of Africa. Prediction: Germany, Poland.

Group B: England, Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago, Sweden. It's not obvious that the English will even need Rooney here. In the race for second you have two solid teams in Paraguay and Sweden. I was very impressed with Ljunberg in Arsenal's Champion's League defeat to Barcalona, and I love Sweden's fish, so I'm going with them. Prediction: England, Sweden.

Group C: Argentina, Ivory Coast, Serbia, Netherlands. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Prediction: Argentina, Netherlands.

Group D: (Ron) Mexico, Iran, Angola, Portugal. Portugal's main exports have become choking and whining, defying Ricardo. My 12-5 upset special pick is taking Angola, who will eke it out by half a $5 assault rifle. If Angola goes all the way, we could see the hammer-and-sickle raised over Berlin, instantly legitimizing dozens of pulp alternative-history novelists' lifes-work. Prediction: Mexico, Angola.

Group E: Italy, Ghana, United States, Czech Republic. Hear me out--Ghana's best player is hurt, and if there's any karma in the universe at all Italy will get burned for Serie A's endemic game-fixing. What better place than here; what better time than now? Prediction: Czech Republic, and the U-S-fucking-A.

Group F: Brazil, Croatia, Australia, Japan. I don't know who plays on Croatia anymore since I'm pretty sure Suker retired right after ISS '98 was released. Australia's a sentimental pick (they qualified through the proverbial back-door, which I'm sure has gotten Steve's attention), but I can't take Japan seriously since they all work for a mere 100 points a piece in Winning Eleven. Prediction: Brazil, Australia.

Group G: France, Switzerland, South Korea, Togo. France isn't getting any younger, but I can see them getting into the knockout as long as Barthez doesn't screw up too badly. South Korea was impressive last time, but how much of that was a spiritual bump from the home crowd? If I picked Angola, Togo sounds almost reasonable as another upset pick. Prediction: France, Togo.

Group H: Spain, Ukraine, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia. I bet Russia would actually have a very nice team if Shevchenko got bribed by the mafia into claiming Russian citizenship. Knee worries aside, I'll take the Big Ukrainian. That aside, this group is a joke, isn't it? I don't think that even Spain can choke this one away. Prediction: Spain, Ukraine

Most of these are obvious picks; the only ones with any bite are Togo, Australia, the US and, ahem, Angola. I'm not nearly up-to-date enough with the world scene to know whether I should be thinking, say, Tunisia, but what are you gonna do?