Guy Tarkington gets back to basics

Lately, I feel that my life has gotten too complicated.

I carry too many devices (cell phone, iPod, automatic orange juicer) and have to remember too many numbers: My Social Security number (438-01-2906) my checking account number (Routing number 0009898 account number 246301) and answers to reminder questions (Mitochondria, Cameroon and I know it was you Fredo)

So, I have given up my 1991 Toyota Corolla and get around on one of these numbers. The 1883 Bayliss Thomas. To left, is a picture of me riding to work.

Overall, it's been a great experience: It's just me and my bike, thrusting forward on my own power. No gas stations. Nothing separating me and nature. It's just me and my Bayliss, pedaling away on the shoulder of a major freeway as morning commuters whiz past me at 80 miles per hour.

My getting back to the basics hasn't been without problems, though. For one, the first day I rode to work some ASSHOLE stole my back wheel. Do you know how hard those things are to find?? I had to pay $200 to get one off eBay. I don't even want to think how much the front wheel costs.

Secondly, as aerodynamic as it looks, this bike is hard to maneuver. Once, I was riding across a busy lunchtime crosswalk and someone bumped into me and I fell off. Well, can I tell you how hard it is to get back on this bike, especially after the crosswalk light has turned red, and a city bus nearly collides into you, and a man on a motorcycle is swearing at you?

Some sample dialog: "Hey, fuck off! I'm trying to get back on! This isn't as easy as it looks!"

I finally had to drag it out of the crosswalk by hand.

Not having a car has its drawbacks. One, fast food restaurants refuse to serve you through the drive-through, just because you're behind the wheel of the 1883 Bayliss Thomas. I promise you this, though: Arby's has NOT heard the last of Guy Tarkington. I don't care how delicious their food is, and at competitive prices.

Also, many women, mainly Mrs. Tarkington, don't like to be picked up from the doctor's office and pumped home on the handle bars of the Bayliss Thomas.

Food shopping. Have you ever tried bicycling down a busy sidewalk with a 50 pound bag of dog food in your arms? You don't want to, brother.

That is all.