Texas

I've been living here for 8 months and have been trying to comprehend "Texas." I came up with two categories: things I don't understand about Texas and things I like about Texas. I know I should also make a category things I don't like about Texas but many fall into the category of things I don't understand about Texas.



Things I don't understand about Texas
1) The amount of U-Turns one is obligated to make during the course of normal driving.

2) The types of weather considered good and bad. If the temperature drops below 50, don't even think about stepping outside. It's freezing out there! But 82 F and so sunny and humid that you sweat like a greased pig? Idyllic.

3) Average pick-up size. The first thing I noticed when coming to Texas and driving on the interstates was the sheer quantity of huge, double-cabbed, 6-wheeled pick-up trucks. Now, Texas has taught me the value of a pick-up. Let's just face it: every so often, you come across a situation where having a pick-up would solve many problems and lessen much back pain. Texas has not, however, taught me the necessity of driving a Ford F-350 V-10 double-wide double-cab (and gets 10 MPG) mostly on I-610 to and from the office.

4) Kolaches. Now, don't get all up in arms about this one. I like the damn things. But I can't really justify the extreme amount of devotion to which some people down here show them. And some kolaches are definitely a little sketchy.

5) The very visible signs of Jesus. You've never seen a big church until you have seen the megaplexes down here, with parking lots able to fit 1,000 cars.

6) The liquor laws. So, you can pick up a handy, convenient Bud Light tall boy at the gas station, just perfect for drinking on the drive home. But you want Vodka? Or wine? Well, make sure you find a liquor store, and make sure it's not after 9 pm or God forbid it's a Sunday. Then you'll be SOL. Oh, and hopefully the bar or restaurant you are eating at has a license for spirits or wine. Cuz many don't.

7) The large number of gun shows/shops. Although people don't exactly saunter around town with their peacemakers on their hips, surely everybody and their sister has one within reach should an intruder intrude. Because we all know: you have to be able to protect yourself. From heavily armed, desperate, experienced thugs. Who are probably waking you up from a deep slumber, just hoping you'll reach for your revolver.


Things I like about Texas
1) Winter. 3 months of 70 F high and 58 F low temperatures with day after day of sunny skies does not make me miss Illinois or New Haven winters at all. And I even like the snow. The wind-chill factor, sleet, and salty, dirt-strewn streets: not so much.

2) Overall 'live-and-let-live' attitude. Nobody hassles you for just going about your daily business. It's quite refreshing after being in the Northeast where everyone is all up in your shit all the time.

3) Cost of Living. Relatively (!!!) cheap, even for a slightly "more expensive" area.

4) Y'all. It really does make sense and once you get over that initial reservation about using it, it just rolls off the tounge. Plus it's much less sexist than "you guys."

5) James Coney Island. Apparantly, this really only applies to the Houston area. But it really should be a nationwide chain. Though Portillo's, perhaps JCI's older, slightly more sophisticated brother attempts to compete, it cannot truly hold a candle to JCI's perfection. It is exactly as you would think a fast-food/50s dinner to be. Imagine Steak-n-shake but without the chain-smoking college Portuguese professors and with chili-cheese dog and fry scarfing goodness to be had by all. Additionally, if you don't know about the mysterious but addicting "Delaware Punch," you must learn. Somehow, it just ties everything together, in its own special way. Oh, and I almost forgot: the cheese is administered through what can only be called a "cheese gun." How could I make this stuff up?

6) St. Arnold's Brewery. Again, a Houston thing but it's great. It's a Texas microbrewery. Great beer without the snobbery. What else could you ask for? The tour is recommended highly, the beer also great. If you do go there, make sure you buy a sixer of their root beer. You can't buy it in stores.

7) Now I vacillate on this one, but I'm gonna stick it in the "like" category for now: the Texas flag. I like that it is flown high and proud, usually side-by-side with a huge-ass U.S. flag. Kinda cool to see a state pretend to exercise its sovereignty.

8) The drinking. People do that 'round here. I think it's good for drinking to be done every so often. Numbs the senses.