The Vapid Lemur

Star Trek

2009-05-07T23:45:00.002-05:00

Wait, am I the only one pumped about seeing this? The reviews make it seem pretty good...

Separated at Birth

2009-04-29T09:53:00.002-05:00

An Open Letter to Bill Simmons

2009-04-16T19:29:00.002-05:00

Bill,

I've got some great advice on how to get over the disappointment that, judging from your column today, you clearly feel regarding the revelation of Kevin Garnett's knee injury.

Step 1) Go to Wikipedia and note that Boston, as a city, has won 6 major-sport titles in the last 8 years across the three major American sports (3 Super Bowls for the Patriots, 2 World Series for the Red Sox, and 1 NBA Championship for the Celtics).

Step 2) Get. The Fuck. Over it.

Step 3) Repeat Step 2 as necessary.

Love, luck and lollipops,

Neill

And I Thought The Mausoleum Was Strange

2009-02-25T13:40:00.002-06:00

From US News and World Report's 10 Things You Didn't Know About Senator Roland Burris:

"10. Burris is married to Berlean Miller. They have two children, Rolanda and Roland II."

Awesome.

Vote or Die

2009-01-14T11:53:00.003-06:00

In light of next week's inauguration, Dan Savage is using the bully pulpit of his weekly column to redefine "saddleback" as any of a number of questionable or profane sexual practices or related topics. You may recall that "santorum" was previously redefined as "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes a byproduct of anal sex;" I'm sure we can do even better with this one. His column can be found here.

I'm voting for option 5:

"Saddlebacking" should be the term for the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities. "After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she's saving herself for marriage."

Israel, Gaza and the Terms of the Current Debate

2009-01-06T17:34:00.003-06:00

I don't claim to have a whole lot of knowledge concerning the historical and strategic intricacies of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but why does it seem like the US's cart blanch support for Israel has become the third rail if American Politics? Very few foreign policy issues are so black-and white that uniformity amongst opinionmakers and lawmakers results (with the exception of benign stuff like "Slobodan Milosevic and Charles Mugabe are bad guys).

So how is it that very few mainstream media outlets or politicians dare to criticize Israeli policy towards the Palestinians? The recent assault on Gaza seems to be a perfect example. I really have no dog in this particular fight. I am not remotely qualified to comment substantively on the culpability of Hamas and the Israeli govt. But I *do* know that at the very least, the situation is complicated enough and both sides have shown sufficient savagery (is that a word?) to generate a debate on the merits of what's been going on. Yet no criticism of Israel, even when their actions toward Gaza seem a bit of a disproportionate respose to assaults on its territory and people. I mean, I just heard that they targeted a fucking school where refugees were seeking to escape the attacks.

Really? A school? The Israeli govt claimed that Hamas was using the school as a shield.

I'm all like "So?" Does that give the Israelis an excuse to target the school? I've heard reports that they knew that there were sizeable amounts of civilians there. I mean, they have been doing a pretty effective job pounding Gaza with missiles and launching a comprehensive ground invasion. The UN Estimates that over 500 people have died at this point. What does it cost the Israelis to hold off targeting the fucking SCHOOL for a few days while it ascertains who is where?

The missiles launched by Hamas since Dec 27 have killed 4 people. This is tragic. But the response seems a bit much.

And not a single solitary mainstream figure in the US will dare criticize Israel. Putting aside the notion of wh is right and who is wrong, it just seems as if the Israeli response will do very little to lessen attacks by Hamas in the near future. The sight of 30 casualties at a girls school would seem to be a very effective recruiting tool for would-be terrorists.

But we can't even say this. Shortly after Jimmy Carter lost the Presidency, he gave an exit interview where he was asked what he knew then that he didn't know when he assumed office in 1977. He looked into the camera and said that the Israeli lobby was the single most powerful group in determining American foreign policy. You don't fuck with these people. We have a book in my house in DeKalb about politicians who dared to speak out concerning Israel's staggeringly disporportionate influence in American Foreign Policy and who were aggressively targeted by opposition in their re-election fights, people who were pretty much blackballed from the ability to comment and publish in mainstream media outlets.

This has pretty much been the case for decades. I just feel it is not healthy for any country's long term security, especially the US and Israel. I have rarely, if ever, come across a subject that is so taboo in our political debate. And I have no idea why this is the case.

Again: I can't really take sides in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, for I lack a proper grounding and understanding of even recent history. What I do know, however, is that the tenor and tone of whatever passes for debate surrounding this issue is fairly one sided. Why, I don't know.

Come to think if it, it would make for a great Political Science dissertation subject for you guys. On second thought, perhaps not. I'd like for you to be able to get jobs afterwards.

I would welcome any insight into this.

Music best-of, 2008 edition

2009-01-02T11:37:00.003-06:00

I'll be the first to admit that although my music consumption remained high in 2008, most of the stuff I listened to was from the '70s. Tons of massively good roots reggae offerings from that golden age of yesteryear (Keith Hudson, Ijahman, Fred Locks, Burning Spear, Big Youth, Yabby You, Willi Williams, Hugh Mundell, and many many more); a bunch of handspun gems from the likes of D. Crosby, Zevon, Fleetwood Mac (they ARE really good, at least insofar as Tusk and Rumors are concerned), and Bob Seger, to name-drop a few; delicious soul classics from Stevie Wonder, Isaac Hayes, and Curtis Mayfield, not to mention the funkgeist of Funkadelic; and of course the unstoppable funk from the likes of The Meters, Allen Toussaint, and Professor Longhair.

But shiiiiiiiiiiiit, this is the oh-eight era, and that's what concerns us now. The doo-doo hit the proverbial fan in that I finally lost my zeal for the mass-marketed indie that sounded like tired retreads of half-hearted efforts from 2005 (see Of Montreal, Kings of Leon, Vampire Weekend, and surely others). Portishead's offering, which should have been right in my wheelhouse, really didn't move me at all. I still can't stomach Craig Finn's voice from The Hold Steady, and honestly their anthems feel like they're going through the motions. And although a few made my list, there is a disconcerting trend towards the wavering falsetto this year.

With those caveats, I give you the best stuff I heard in 2008. NB: I haven't yet checked out TV on the Radio's new one (their other stuff was meh to me) nor Drive-By Trucker's new one (I am guessing that would definitely make the list, as I really enjoy their oeuvre).

1. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago

Far and away my favorite of this year. A haunting, plaintive eulogy of lost-love that sounds timeless and true. This one does fit into the "wavering falsetto" camp that I harped on earlier, so listener beware. Nonetheless, it has held up to repeated listens and comes closest to catharsis of anything I heard over the past 12 months.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrMmr1oMPGA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0yaQ20dpWI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7-zmQ3XEc0

2. Black Mountain - The Future

Already I'm second guessing this choice--probably could sit here or anywhere as low as 5. It's a groovin' affair, to be sure, all cocksure and swagger with excellent guitar work and a nice propulsion to it all. I know some are dissuaded by the vocalist, but I'm OK with the juxtaposition. Definitely a '70s dirty rock vibe, which, oddly enough, still sounds fresh and alive to these ears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxOh2-g80vk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlkTM8LKrfo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCGw1rinFZk

3. Stephen Malkmus - Real Emotional Trash

Yes, THAT Stephen Malkmus from Pavement. This one is full of epic, proggy guitar solo goodness. I think I appreciate the space in this record--a sense of choice and improvisation that I enjoy. And I don't really even like prog!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTVQ0wYrLjc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilMJaekiXaA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2NFEYmnPGk

4. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes

I've only streamed this a few times online, and a copy is forthcoming in the mail, but from what I heard I really was blown away by the textures and beauty of it all. Again falling into the falsetto camp, I still thought this a gorgeous outpouring of harmonies and originality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrQRS40OKNE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZGpmDw2cyE

5. Beach House - Devotion

This is very different--slow, melodic, and the very definition of dream pop. It's one that, at first blush, I was completely enamored with. But honestly, I have not felt the need to listen to it again after my initial enjoyment. Still, I think it is a well-crafted, unique record and one that merits a look-see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFxdDE0k1_Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSuViWLfmjM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTmaJez9FAY

6. Sun Kil Moon - April

Here's another that I was REALLY looking forward to hearing--Mark Kozelek really has a gift for melancholy steeped ennui. I have enjoyed listening to this, but, it wasn't quite what I hoped for--which is not unexpected, given the greatness that is his previous effort, Ghosts of the Great Highway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65DxMFO9gg8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkdsOWfSXME
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JKUqzlsVVU

And that's it my friends. I do plan to give a chance (perhaps second ones) to Portishead, TV on the Radio, DBT, maybe a few others.

Great Moments in NBA League Pass

2008-12-14T21:22:00.003-06:00

You may have noticed that during Lakers playoff games, Jack Nicholson sits courtside and often does interviews with the telecasters.

During regular season games against the Timberwolves, that role is apparently taken over by George Lopez.

George actually made a funny remark about trying to find a white guy to caddy for him at the golf club, or something.

I hope that "Great Moments in NBA League Pass" becomes a regular feature here on the Lemur.

Familiar to Millions

2008-11-02T14:34:00.001-06:00

Nick (Cincinnati): Ken--What are your thoughts on Cedric Benson more than likely eclipsing the 100 yard mark against Jacksonville today? Any longetivity with the Bengals?

SCOUTS INC.'S KEN MOLL: Nick,Benson has talent and the change of scenery (Chicago to Cincy) may really do him some good- I believe they (Bengals front office) really like him.

Rob (UK): Would the Cowboys be better off starting Bollinger instead of Johnson?

SCOUTS INC.'S KEN MOLL: Rob, Tough call but I would think Johnson as he has tons of experiemce and a solid running game to support his efforts. If the Defense can play well the BOYS have an outside chance in this match up-

Neill (Ann Arbor): Ken, did you see any of Benson's appearances for the Bears?

SCOUTS INC.'S KEN MOLL: Neil, Yes and I know what your saying but He does have talent and may have grown up some over the past few years. Yes he looked very average often but the Bears front offcie would have never let Thomas Jones leave if they didn't (at the time) believe Benson was the answer-

Frontlines

2008-10-30T16:16:00.002-05:00

Last few Frontlines have been very good and worth watching, the climate change and foreign policy ones particularly.

Cowboy Up: Prediction Time

2008-10-30T13:40:00.002-05:00

Enough of this pussyfooting around. The time has come. With five days out, I am calling on all members of the Lemur to come forward and make their final, FINAL, predictions for Election Day. I want the following information: Who wins the Presidency, final popular vote percentage, final Electoral Vote tally. You can throw in a paragraph or three to summarize your findings. I know five days may well be a lifetime in presidential politics, but I'm ready to declare and I think you all should be, too. Here I go:

Obama wins, 48%-44% and gets 338 Electoral Votes to McCain's 200.

I am pretty sure the polls, which roughly show Obama at a 6% lead right now, will tighten up slightly over the weekend. Undecideds seem to be breaking for McCain, but the early voting numbers for Obama should give him a buffer. I think a 4% victory is a pretty decent estimate. In terms of the electoral map, I think (thanks to a battering ram of advertising and a vastly superior ground game) Obama flips Virginia, Colorado, Iowa, New Mexico, Nevada, Florida and Ohio to add to the 252 votes that John Kerry got.

I think McCain manages to hang on to Indiana, Missouri and North Carolina to get him to 200 Electoral Votes. Given the drumming his campaign has (deservedly) taken in the press for being so comically inept, 200 and 44% will be a decent showing for him. Granted, a lot of these numbers will be the result of virulent racists voting against their economic interests based on half-truths and misinformation, but you take what you can get.

Obama fails to break 50% (just like Bill Clinton), but a win is a win. It won't be that close, but it certainly won't be a realigning landslide. What do you think?

Da Zveidanya, Baby!

2008-10-30T10:47:00.001-05:00

The link itself means that there's no explanation necessary.

http://www.returnofterrytate.com

FOX pregame

2008-10-23T19:30:00.002-05:00

Watching FOX world series pregame. I wrote this down after seeing it.

Ford Keys to the Game:

Phillies--
Where is Ryan Howard?

Rays--
Don't want to go to Philadelphia 0-2... no kidding

Ok. You might be able to pull a game key from the first one, albeit a shitty one since they won game 1 with Ryan Howard completely absent. Ryan Howard probably has to play well. But what is that second one? The key to the game is that they don't want to lose? What really got me is that whoever wrote it then seems to recognize that it isn't really an appropriate "Key to the Game" at all and put the "... no kidding" thing in. What the fuck has sports analysis come to?

Talking Points Memo

2008-10-20T13:53:00.002-05:00

If Obama wins, there will be a lot of reasons why (superior ground effort, stellar fundraising, transformational rhetoric, shitty GOP brand, ect), but one of the things I am glad he has done is appear on Fox News. In past national campaigns, candidates like Gore and Kerry seemed to shy away from that particular outlet, believing that there would be little to gain from venturing onto enemy territory.

I don't think there is any doubt that Fox News is more or less a propoganda arm for the GOP, and a sensationalistic one at that. However, I think Dems have made a mistake in avoiding it. Whether or not it is a legitimate news outlet is beyond the point. It is by far the most watched 24 hour news network. By not appearing (or even sending high level surrogates) on Fox News Sunday or The O'Reilly Factor, candidates have let the commentators completely frame and shape the narrative without any objection. Of course, a majority of Fox News viewers will be predisposed to voting for the Republican candidate anyway. But in Obama's appearances with Chris Wallace and O'Reilly, he was aggressive, logical, persuasive and seemingly unintimidated. I think these types of appearances go a long way toward, if nothing else, persuading some swing voters that you have testicular fortitude (a quality that Dems are portrayed as lacking).

I say we take them on, on their turf. Its a lot easier to call them on their bullshit if you are there to aggressively rebut the things they are saying. I like the fact that Obama has done this. Dems should take note.

Amazing

2008-10-16T18:04:00.003-05:00

The NFL is really an amazing organization. They have essentially, over time, created an environment where they can force their workers to play through potentially career threatening injuries. Now that's normal stuff from an employer--get short term results out of your workers in exchange for raping their long term career... but the twist is that they've managed to get the public and consumers of football in on it. They don't have to say anything. NFL owners can say "take as much time as you need and protect yourself and your career." Getting the consumer public to do their dirty work is a union busting work of genius, really, and reduces any threat to themselves from the union or players in the process.

This brought to you by Tony Romo potentially being convinced to play through what should be a 4 week pinky fracture. Further damage to his fractured finger, which is very possible given his position, could potentially be career threatening. Amazing.

Strolling Down Amnesia Lane

2008-10-09T16:40:00.003-05:00

Whenever I think about the last frenetic month of the Presidential Campaign, I start thinking about how George Bush campaigned in 2000, and the disconnect between the rhetoric and the reality. So much has been said about him and his Presidency that anything I can offer up would obviously be redundant.

The Bush people got one thing right: his Presidency was a consequential one. I go back and read endorsements like this one from Peggy Noonan in the Wall Street Journal in 2000, and all I can do is grin and bear it:

____________________________________________________________________

"Readers of this page are familiar with the policy questions at issue in the election. As president, George W. Bush's natural inclination and stated intention is and will be to lower taxes, not raise them, to clear away regulation rather than create it, and to reform Social Security in a way that makes it more lucrative for recipients, more secure as an entitlement, and more respectful toward those workers who will be allowed to redirect a portion of their contributions into markets. He will allow Americans once again to look for and develop energy resources, while opposing irresponsible treatment of precious unspoiled lands.

In taking these actions Mr. Bush will strengthen the foundations of today's prosperity...Federal decisions of course can weaken prosperity. Al Gore's proposals--new entitlements, new spending, a balanced budget and no tax increase--seem so contradictory as to be schizophrenic, and more likely to turn a downturn into a deep recession...

In foreign affairs Mr. Bush's intentions are marked by moral modesty and a lack of illusions: America, he repeated in the last debate, must fully engage the world, but with humility. His first and most crucial foreign-affairs endeavor will begin, appropriately, at home: improving the national defense, remedying the effects of eight years of confusion and neglect, enhancing responsiveness to future challenges, increasing morale, restoring those aspects of the old military culture that are positive and needed...

All of this will be a relief. What's more, it suggests a restoration of civility and grace to the White House, and to political discourse. This will have happy implications for our democracy, and for the children who see it unfold each day.

A Bush presidency would mark a cultural-political paradox: a triumph of class that is a setback for snobbery. Class--consideration, a lack of bullying ego, respect for others--has been not much present the past eight years. The Clintons and Mr. Gore have acted and spoken in ways that suggest they believe they are more intelligent and capable than others--superior, in short. They have behaved as if they believe they are entitled to assist others by limiting their autonomy; thus the tax policies in which they take our surplus and spend it for us, the social programs in which they limit what you might fritter away in your sweet but incompetent way...

The Clintons and Mr. Gore, intelligent and ambitious, came of age at the moment in our history when America As Meritocracy took off like a rocket; and they had merit. They were educated at fine universities at the moment those universities became factories for manufacturing the kind of people who prefer mankind to men and government to the individual. To absorb those views was to help ensure one's rise. They rose. In time they won power in the system they helped invent--command-and-control liberalism. In rising and running things they became what they are: vain and ruthless as only those who have not suffered could be. Not realizing they were lucky they came to think they were deserving; they were sure they had the right to show the inferiorthat would be you and me--how to arrange their lives.

Mr. Bush came from the same generation, lived in the same time, but became a very different sort of man. He wasn't impressed by Yale; when he saw the elites up close he didn't like what he saw. He was of Midland, Texas.

He became a businessman, floundered, knew success, experienced disappointment, became a deep believer in God. His religious commitment has meant for him the difference between a clear mind and a double mind. It has helped him become a man who is attached to truth on a continuing basis, and not just an expedient one. It means he sees each person as a unique individual worthy of dignity, freedom and responsibility...

Mr. Bush has a natural sympathy for, and is the standard bearer of, the modest, the patronized, the disrespected... that is a great irony of the 2000 election: The man who speaks for the nobodies is the president's son, Mr. Andover Head Cheerleader of 1965. But history is replete with such ironies; they have kept the national life interesting...

There is the question of intelligence: Is Al Gore bright enough to be president? Both Mr. Bush and Mr. Gore are intelligent men, but they have very different kinds of minds. George Bush respects permanent truths and is not in the thrall of prevalent attitudes...

Mr. Bush is at odds with the spirit of the past eight years in another way. He appears to be wholly uninterested in lying, has no gift for it, thinks it's wrong.

This is important at any time, but is crucial now. The next president may well be forced to shepherd us through the first nuclear event since World War II, the first terrorist attack or missile attack. "Man has never had a weapon he didn't use," Ronald Reagan said in conversation, and we have been most fortunate man has not used these weapons to kill in the past 50 years. But half the foreign and defense policy establishment fears, legitimately, that the Big Terrible Thing is coming, whether in India-Pakistan, or in Asia or in lower Manhattan.

When it comes, if it comes, the credibility--the trustworthiness--of the American president will be key to our national survival. We may not be able to sustain a president who is known for his tendency to tell untruths.

If we must go through a terrible time, a modest man of good faith is the one we'll need in charge. That is George Walker Bush, governor of Texas."

____________________________________________________________________

Noonan said one more interesting thing, about a few months after 9/11, after Bush had laid out his new foreign policy...what was it again? Oh yeah:

"More and more this Presidency is feeling like a gift."

Fantasy Basketball?

2008-10-03T11:18:00.001-05:00

Please advise.

Night of the Living ESPN Comments Section

2008-09-24T07:26:00.004-05:00

Related to a piece by Buster "Yankee" Olney on why the Yankees missed the playoffs this year:

Maybe the steinbrenners will finally learn that the yankees need to develop their farm system because they cant buy themselves into winning a championship anymore. the thing that made the yankees so intimidating in the late 90s was that they did not have an all star lineup but had a menacing pitching staff and players that played for the love of the game like broscius, tino martinez, bernie williams, paul oneill just to name some. they would not outslug you most of the nights but they would systematically shut you down with pitching and would always have the clutch hitting that the yankees of this year did not have

At least three of those guys -- Broscius, Tino and Bernie -- made the All-Star game at least once during the 96 - 2001 run, by the way.

"Got His Bell Rung" Comes out for a Blow

2008-09-14T14:45:00.004-05:00

Gentlemen, BEHOLD! It's your newest NFL euphemism for "concussion!"

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Damon Huard didn't play the final three quarters against the Oakland Raiders on Sunday after suffering what the team called mild head trauma.

Enjoy, and be safe out there.

Presidential Power Rankings, Part IV

2008-09-10T16:05:00.002-05:00

Before I begin, I am entertaining the idea of doing a real time running diary on this blog on election night, a la Bill Simmons. Its a massive undertaking, and I feel uniquely ill-suited (temperamentally and intellectually) for such a task. Still, I feel owe it to future generations and it might be fun.

That being said, with two months left to go, here we stand....................................................

1. Barack Obama/Joe Biden

2. John McCain/Sarah Palin

**************************************************************************

If I'm not mistaken, Neill a few months ago predicted the GOP will win by five points. The national polls in the wake of the Republican Convention have started to consistently show a statistical dead heat (some are even showing McCain pulling ahead). Yet after looking at the latest batch of state polls, I remain unconvinced that he can overtake Obama. The clear trend that seems to be emerging, even post-Palin, is that Obama will hold onto all of the John Kerry states from 2004. Realistically, only two of those states even seem close at this point (Michigan and Pennsylvania), and I have not seen a single fucking poll that shows McCain overtaking him in either state. With even a little bit of work, money and appearances, Obama should be able to pick up all 252 of Kerry's votes, while expending not that much in the way of energy or resources.

On the other hand, McCain has to defend way more Bush states than he would feel comfortable with. Even if we give him Ohio and Florida (no sure thing, especially with polls in Ohio going back and forth the last three weeks), McCain is going to lose Iowa for sure. He will lose New Mexico for sure. The Dems are heavily targeting Colorado and Virginia, and polls show that Obama has had a slight lead in the former for at least the last month or so. Virginia's polls are all within the margin for error. The election info from 2006 shows that both states are trending Democratic in recent years.

I have seen multiple polls in the last two days info that suggests Nevada is in play. McCain is defending way too much. Even with the Convention bounce, he has still not made any significant inroads into Obama's states and has to expend time and resources to protect his own turf. There is no doubt that McCain has had a good montha and a half. The new aggressive "Celebrity," attack ads, coupled with the Palin pick has energized his base and put more swing voters in play than I am comfortable with. But unless I start to see polls in Michigan and Pennsylvania that show McCain gaining significant ground, I still would rather be in Obama's position.

Even with McCain's recent resurgence, and a reawakening of the Conservative base, Obama's field organization is quite strong in at least 20 states. While new voter registration isn't neccessarily a great indicator of much, it does hearten me to know that new Dem voter registration has easily outpaced GOP voter registration in Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Colorado and Virginia. I still cling to the belief (perhaps naively) that black turnout will explode, and I have also seen data where Obama is outpolling McCain amongst Hispanics by almost 3 to 1.

Yes, blue collar workers are still a problem, and I am not stupid enough to think that sending Joe Biden to Scranton and Detroit is going to completely alleviate that potential calamity. But I do think that if Obama stays on message (relatively simple narrative of change vs more of the same, tie McCain to Bush, ect) he will have a shot with these people.

I am worried about the Silent Majority, the Nixon coalition, and the secretly racist white voter who tells pollters they will vote for Obama but will secretly vote for McCain. I am worried about vindictive former Clinton supporters, and I stress that nobody at this point really knows anything, BUT given Obama's electoral map position, I would much rather be him than McCain, even now. Democrats are prone to reflexive panicking during Presidential elections, and I am no exception. I am angry and mystified that with 80% of the country saying we're on a wrong track that the election is so close.

But when I calm down I realize that no matter what the surrounding conditions, it is always going to be fucking hard to elect a Democrat. Always always ALWAYS. The Republicans are just a lot better at framing a national narrative. They are a lot better at going after your kneecaps. They do a much better job at putting their opposition permanently on the defensive.

Take away Ross Perot's 19% in 1992, and Bush Sr. makes that a nail biter, despite the fucking shitty economy.

My favorite example is 1976. Barely two years post Watergate. The atmosphere for Republicans was fucking TOXIC. Nixon was loathed by even swing voters, and not a mention of his name was made at their convention in Kansas City. Republicans had absorbed a drubbing at the Congressional elections in '74 and were synonymous with Spiro Agnew, HR Haldeman, Gordon Liddy, and scandal. The Dems were running a squeaky clean southerner pledging to restore honesty and transparency to government, and was running against someone (Ford) who was reviled for pardoning Nixon, and was a pretty rotten candidate in his own right (falling down the stairs of Marine One, even declaring in a debate with Carter that "There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe, and there never will be in a Ford Administration"). Yet in an atmosphere even more blatantly hostile to Republicans than the current one, Carter only won by 2 percent and 50 or so electoral votes. No way should it have been that close. But the Republicans know how to win national elections, and this being a fundamentally center right country, it takes quite a bit in terms of organization, message, strength and environment to elect a Dem. Even though I get fucking nervous from time to time, I remmeber 1976, and I also remember that Obama;s organization is simply superior, on par with what Karl Rove was able to formulate in 2000 and 2004. David Plouffe and David Axelrod have done a fantastic job of understanding what's needed, targeting key areas, mobilizing volunteers, and framing a message. I feel like if you can take down the Clinton machine you can do just about anything.

I know that there are a ton of ways this could get screwed up in the next two months. Whether its in a debate, or someone makes a gaffe on the campaign trail, or McCain is able to frame an anti-Obama narrative that inflicts lasting damage. The national polls look bad. But I would still much rather be in our position than theirs.

Am I crazy?

Football

2008-09-10T10:19:00.005-05:00

That's it. I'm done. It took less than a week for me to be done with any sports report involving football, maybe even watching football broadcasts themselves. Very close, maybe worse in its coverage than baseball. Tough call--they both feature the same meaningless truisms. But it's even worse because football has the whole male tough guy thing around it worse than any sport in existence. What makes football worse is how pro-management the whole business is, and is revered as such by the fans. Ugh.

Here's some examples from one segment of ESPN First Take. I first watched a segment talking about how the Tennessee Titans are very unsatisfied with Vince Young and that the team feels they are "better off with Kerry Collins." To start the whole thing off, there is no way this is true. I don't think Vince Young is some great talent, but to imply (as everyone nods in agreement in the team and the media) that the team is better off with shitty journeyman arm Kerry Collins at quarterback? What. The. Fuck.

They went on to imply (and the team is apparently legitimately thinking), beyond performance, that Vince Young was negative for the team because he was squirrley. They gave two inexplicable examples of this. 1) He moved to Austin Texas in the offseason and didn't spend much time in Tennessee. Huh? This is so bullshit it is unreal. By everyone's account, players are forced to come in a billion weeks early and stay from 3 in the morning until 10 at night most days during the season. Really? They can't go home and not think about football for like 3 months? That makes them a liability and not committed to the team? Then, and this is the kicker, is 2) Young was reluctant to get back on the field last week, and his head coach had to harangue him to play. Vince Young sustained an knee sprain this week that will keep him out 2-4 weeks. He was supposed to play through that? People were talking about an MCL tear not a day or two ago.

Example two followed this discussion. They were talking about some shitty Cowboys player--Ware or something. They were saying he wasn't playing as well as expected when drafted. Fine. They then detail the problem. Apparently the team "has been concerned about his motor since they drafted him." They have seen nothing to think that his motor will improve. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? He needs to work on speed? Do more cardio for endurance? He needs to "get tougher?" No, the team is waiting for improvements on his motor.

Now here's the thing. Part of this is the media. But on the other hand I have absolutely no doubt that the media is speaking to team sources and hearing exactly the same shit from them, in the same terms. The NFL has come very close to having its own inexplicably code that doesn't really relate to reality for evaluating players and especially their mental state. Reminds me off European football--"We are now benching the best player on the team for no reason; he has fallen out of favor with the manager."

I can't believe that NFL players put up with the shit they do, they'd have to be retarded--most popular game in the country, sell out every week, money surging through the veins of owners, and yet they have non-guaranteed contracts in the most dangerous sport in the world and many players make low to mid 6 digits since there are so many players to pay and a relatively low salary cap to do it with. Fuck that. I don't want to hear about how some guy didn't play through some horrific injury--he has no fucking incentive to do so since he can and will be cut and lose all his non-guaranteed money that offseason by the "loyal" team.

Also. Fuck fantasy football. I never want to hear about it again.

Has enough time gone by?

2008-09-09T22:43:00.002-05:00

I just had the displeasure of watching about two minutes of the new game show Hole in the Wall, in which contestants must contort their bodies to fit through a hole in a moving wall. Fail, and they are pushed into a swimming pool.

I think what this country needs is another good old fashioned terrorist attack.

Remember 7 years ago? For a couple of weeks, there were no talk shows, no Entertainment Tonight, no QVC, no game shows, no stupid sitcoms and no award shows, because, for some reason, they just didn't seem important anymore.

Is it too soon to wish for another attack?

Brown Man Death Ray?

2008-09-07T18:39:00.005-05:00

Alright. What kind of fucking secret assassination technology has the US developed and is running in Iraq since the surge that Bob Woodward would describe as equivalent of the invention of the tank? So dangerous that insurgent leaders, if they knew about it, would "get their ass out of town?" Stuff that "military novels are written about."

What does that even mean? I'd say it's just CIA death squads, but Woodward made it sound like it was technological in nature. Additionally, if it wasn't Bob Woodward I would think it was total hyperbole.

Schadenfreude

2008-08-19T19:38:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I'm spelling that correctly, but it's worth noting that Corey Patterson, who's had 254 major league AB this year, is batting one-sixty-seven (.197). His OBP is .231! AB for AB, doesn't this have to be one of the worst offensive performances in the history of the game?

It really makes me pine for those halcyon days of 2002, when you couldn't swing a cat without hitting some racially-charged bewilderment that the Giants decided not to retain Dusty Baker's services.

Bridges and Squares

2008-08-19T17:55:00.003-05:00

There was an interesting article on trolling the other day in the NYT magazine, found here. I recommend it, but if you want the punchline without the effort, it turns out that if you sexually abuse a child who grows up liking computers and technology, they may end up being the type of unrepentant jackass who desecrates memorial MySpace pages of dead teenagers. They will also start whining and bloviating immediately if you, as a professional journalist, come anywhere near calling them out on their complete and utterbullshit.

Those of you who use XBox Live with any regularity are probably imagining the same voice that I am -- it's not just high pitched; it's tangibly desperate, with those quick little breaths at the end of every few syllables that gradually become more and more pronounced as the little bastard feels their finally-tuned sense of control slipping away. In the case of the uber-trolls described above, that would be the sexual abuse talking, since the Intartubez is a stand-in for the control that was stripped away from them as a child at the hands of a family member.

Anyway, the point is only that there a lot of jerkoffs out there, and it does sort of seem like the typical M.O. has drifted away from just being an asshole in regular conversation to a planned surgical strike that actively harms the quality of signal from other people, rather than just drowning out other contributions by volume alone.

Which brings us to this gem, posted on ESPN.com's 47-chromosome new community feature, "SportsNation." The story is about the latest development in the Todd Bertuzzi case in Canada. Bertuzzi, you may recall, punched another player, Steve Moore, in the back of the head after a play as retribution for an earlier (though legal) hit by Moore on the captain of Bertuzzi's Vancouver Canucks, one Markus Nasland. Moore was knocked out by the punch itself, but then collapsed head-first on the ice. Needless to say, he (Moore) hasn't played hockey since.

Another Open Letter to the Media

2008-08-18T18:34:00.003-05:00

The "N" in Nawaz Sharif's Pakistan Muslim League-N stands for Nawaz, you fucking morons. Calibrate your expectations for Pakistani democracy accordingly.

NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2008-08-18T16:26:00.003-05:00

Bears name Kyle Orton as opening day starting QB

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/sports/AP-FBN-Bears-Orton.html

Goddammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Baby Daddy For Both Americas

2008-08-08T15:47:00.003-05:00

I stole that title from Ann Coulter. I admit, I thought she was funny in this one narrow instance.

Well played, John Edwards. Well played.

I leave the last word to Bob Shrum, political consultant for John Kerry's 2004 Presidential Bid:

"Kerry talked with several potential [VP] picks, including Gephardt and Edwards. He was comfortable after his conversations with Gephardt, but even queasier about Edwards after they met. Edwards had told Kerry he was going to share a story with him that he'd never told anyone else—that after his son Wade had been killed, he climbed onto the slab at the funeral home, laid there and hugged his body, and promised that he'd do all he could to make life better for people, to live up to Wade's ideals of service. "

"Kerry was stunned, not moved, because, as he told me later, Edwards had recounted the same exact story to him, almost in the exact same words, a year or two before—and with the same preface, that he'd never shared the memory with anyone else. Kerry said he found it chilling..."

Bush Feet Under: The Final Moments of the George W. Bush Administration

2008-07-23T18:01:00.002-05:00

Hello all,

If you dislike George Bush and his cronies as much as I, you'll enjoy this.

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2008/07/bush_feet_under.html

A Changing of The Cinematic Guard

2008-07-20T21:04:00.003-05:00

At this point, I understandably may be simply wired from having viewed it so recently, and my perspective will not be objectively calibrated for this type of assessment. That being said, "The Dark Knight," is the greatest movie of all time.

Horses' Mouths

2008-07-12T16:30:00.003-05:00

From CNN:

IndyMac specialized in giving mortgages to people with little or no documentation of their income and assets.

Federer-Nadal III

2008-07-06T14:04:00.003-05:00

The wily little Spaniard just blew two match points. I am currently in the fetal position, waiting for the rain delay to end so Federer can just put him out of his misery. Goddamnit. He was THISCLOSE.

The Judiciary

2008-06-26T09:57:00.002-05:00

A rash of decisions have been handed down over the course of the last week, as the Supreme Court's term winds down. Some of the more notable decisions involved the overturning of Death Penalty Laws for child rape in Louisiana (and 5 other states), a $2 billion reduction in the amount of punitive damages against Exxon for the Valdez oil spill, allowing enemy combatants to challenge their detentions before civilian judges in the United States, and the first conclusive interpretation of the Second Amendment since its ratification in 1791, wherein the Court declared the amendment protects an individual's right to own guns no matter what, or whether that right is somehow tied to service in a state militia.

I've have always been greatly interested in the many issues surrounding the Judicial Branch, and am curious as to how closely the rest of you track these decisions as well as your feelings on them.

Perhaps the most central debate surrounding the Judiciary, as you all well know, is the battle between the so-called "Originalist," wing of the Court, who stand for the proposition that the Constitution has a fixed and knowable meaning, which was established at the time of its drafting, (Roberts, Alito, Scalia, Thomas) and those who believe in the idea of a Living Constitution, ie the idea that the Constitution was written in flexible, dynamic terms (Breyer, Ginsburg).

After wracking my brain to try and come up with a succinct yet eloquent way to describe originalism, I decided to steal the best summary I could find from some dude who has a blog on philosophy and martial arts:

__________________________________________________________________
"Originalism is a theory of Constitutional interpretation that focuses upon the text of the Constitution in seeking it's original meaning at the time it was promulgated. Thus, an originalist jurist would seek to obtain the Constitution's original meaning through historical analysis and then apply that meaning to contempory issues that come before the Court. Originalists argue that if the Constitution does not speak on the contemporary issue, then the Court has no business in rendering a decision that usurps the legislative branch.

In contrast to originalism is the "Living Constitution" view of interpretation. According to this view, the Constitution is a living and ever evolving document that needs to be flexible to the changing values and needs of an ever evolving society. It's meaning is not fixed. It is dynamic."

__________________________________________________________________

This tension is the basis of so much of the controversy surrounding the Federal Judiciary.

I have framed the basic debate in the simplest and crudest terms possible. There are obviously nuances in this battle, but this is the Cliffs Notes version.

Using the above description as a starting point, I was kind of curious to get y'all's opinion on the major debate between these schools of thought. For me, its a fascinating dichotomy, and both sides have potent arguments. I am really eager to know how you guys view the role of the judiciary, and which side of the great divide you find yourselves. Take a side, and tell me why.

fantasy bb trade advice

2008-06-23T13:39:00.006-05:00

So here's the trade somebody just proposed to me for fantasy bb:

Edinson Vólquez (theirs)

for

Lance Berkman (mine)

Lance is the #1 ranked player, Volquez is #8. And I'm currently fair to middlin' in terms of wins and K's (but doing very well in every other category). Do you think Volquez will continue to pitch well? Berkman had a TORRID start, but I don't see him keeping up the pace for the rest of the season...

>shock<

But...I also have Pujols on the sidelines (currently DL) who could take up Berkman's slack. And Adam Wainwright (and Shawn Marcum) are on the DL for me right now. But Volquez is such a beast...I'm just wondering if his arm will hold up. Still it's a kinda cool blockbuster trade...

I know some of y'all are quite knowledgeable about sports so please suggest away...the trade was just proposed today. I'm kind of inclined to just accept it and let the chips fall where they may. And here's my league if you want to check out what's going on:

http://baseball.fantasysports.yahoo.com/b1/49027

(I'm From a Motel 6)

SNL All-Star Team

2008-06-20T11:21:00.002-05:00

Because of how shitty its been over the course of the past decade and a half, its easy to forget that Saturday Night Live was at one point the most consistently amusing and cutting edge show on television. And it wasn't even close.

I got to thinking about some of the sketches that really reverberated with me (especially when the show was at its peak, from 1976-'82, eps that I caught in reruns, and again from '88-'95) and I laid down a challenge to myself.

If someone put a gun to my head and forced me to pick a 5 person SNL cast member All Star Team, who would I select?

Its a hell of a lot tougher than you'd think. Pick 5 individuals, who, based on 1) their signature sketches/characters from SNL and to a lesser extent, 2) their post-SNL career you would select as the best. I wracked my brain trying to narrow down my list. It may have been easier if I just limited the criteria to the cast members' career on the show itself, but so many movie and TV stars were made by that show, I didn't want to limit it.

My top 5:

1. Phil Hartman - You wouldn't think it, but he is easily the MVP of the series. Created consistently hilarious characters, was an incredibly funny supporting player in whatever sketch he was in (and he was in a lot of them), and his impressions of people ranging from Ronald Reagan to Frank Sinatra to Bill Clinton, Johnny Cash and Charlton Heston were sublime.

2. Eddie Murphy - Remember Buckwheat, Gumby, Black Mr. Rogers, his impressions of Stevie Wonder and James Brown? Guy was on fucking fire. And he was only 20 years old. And then he did 48 hrs, Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America. No matter what shit he's done since then (and he's done a lot), his run in TV and films from 1981 to about 1987 was perfection.

3. Will Ferrell - I doubt I would get any arguments on this one.

4. John Belushi - Granted, he had a slight movie career, but the ones he did (Blues Brothers
, Animal House) were just about perfect. And his skethes. Remember Samurai Futaba? Jake Blues? His impressions of Babe Ruth, Elizabeth Taylor, Elvis and Jack Nicholson?

5. Bill Murray - This was the toughest because I was choosing between him and Chris Farley. Both were pretty consistent, but I have to give Murray the edge because his film career was more interesting (Caddyshack, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Ed Wood, Rushmore, Royal Tenenbaums, Lost in Translation) and because his character Nick the Lounge Singer was really, really funny.

Honorable mention to: Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Chris Rock, and Chris Farley.

Who has the balls/interest/time to dispute me on this?

News and Notes from the Sporting World

2008-06-20T11:05:00.002-05:00

A. Interleague play doesn't really bother me as a concept. Neither does the Wild Card. I don't think either of these things dilute the purity of the game. I think they make watching the games more exciting.

B. I, too, am excited about the Cross Town Classic, and predict the White Sox to take 2 of 3 this weekend. The other team just has too many fucking injuries.

C. Check out this Slate article detailing how batshit insane Kevin Garnett is. It shows video of him breaking down and weeping during a 2005 interview while talking about how much he hates losing
as well as his delirious/inexplicable postgame interview after the Celtics won Tuesday:

http://www.slate.com/id/2193863/

D. The Sports Guy wrote a column for ESPN The Magazine talking about how he doesn't care about tennis anymore and why:

"Once a successful mainstream sport, tennis now matters twice a year—during Wimbledon and the U.S. Open—and even then it's not like America shakes with Racket Fever or anything. The mainstream media still cover tennis, and the ratings for majors are still okay. But when was the last time you watched a big match from start to finish? When was the last time you attended one? When did you last have an argument about something tennis-related that didn't boil down to "Who do you think is hotter?"

Unlike golf, another time-sucking sport that appeals to a specific audience, tennis lacks a Tiger to keep it relevant. When tennis develops its own version of Tiger—first Pete Sampras, then Roger Federer—the guys do almost more damage than good. We see the best tennis stars as the Ping-Pong player at a family gathering who destroys all the uncles and cousins, and eventually kills everyone's interest in playing Ping-Pong for the day. Golf is a sport that hinges on luck and timing, streaks and slumps, and the quirks of different courses. So it's almost inconceivable for a golfer to dominate as Tiger has. But for Federer to dominate, it's completely conceivable. And boring.

Beyond that, a transcendent golfer may stick around for 40 years, and we're aware of this, so it's only natural for us to get more attached to him. We've known Tiger since he was crushing kids as a little guy, we knew him when his father passed away, and we'll know him when he's wearing a bad hairpiece and obliterating the Champions Tour in 2033. By contrast, a great tennis career always unfolds the same way: Guy kills himself for a few years getting to the top and staying there; guy gets bored; guy starts sleeping with actresses/models; guy drops in the rankings; guy makes a brief resurgence; guy loses hair and retires; guy disappears forever. This has to have happened 47 times since I was 10. I'd argue that we haven't attached ourselves to Federer because we know another Federer will eventually come off the assembly line. Because one always does."

A fair point. I still, however, may be one of the few die hards left in this country and am genuinely excited about the start of Wimbledon. Am I strange for still getting worked up about this sport?

PSA

2008-06-19T17:53:00.001-05:00

The Frontline episode this week on China and under 35 people in China is really good.

Tough on Crime

2008-06-16T20:27:00.003-05:00

There's a lot to love about this story, which describes how a team of cops drove around at 95 MPH through crowded downtown streets and highways in order to arrest a man who had exposed himself to a 10 y.o. boy in a Wal-Mart, and was then working part-time at a hardware store.

I'm not soft on pedophilia. But there's pedophilia, and then there's pedophilia. I, personally, don't think it's worth risking the lives of hundreds of innocent bystanders in a cheap excuse for Officer Friendly to peel out in his Crown Vic unless the original crime involved some manner of insertion.

Be that as it may, the last paragraph kills me:

The police kept close tabs on the six different teams' arrests, an internal competition to see who could bag more wanted felons. Team Vulture beat out Team Osprey with 147 arrests to 132.
At the end of the operation, about 80 officers crowded into a large conference room and were briefed on the final results. "You prevented a lot of victims this week," Booker told them.
Law enforcement studies, he said, indicate the typical fugitive commits an average of 13 crimes while they're on the run. If that's true, more than 15,000 potential victims have been spared.

"These people can't commit crimes against other people while they're locked up," Booker said.

I'd like to invite you, the reader, to sit back and consider -- in the assumption that you, like me, are not a professional law enforcement official (or, not Police, as they say in Bodymore, Murdaland) -- the gaping Canyon of Logic that separates the reality that the original statistics describe with the Bizarro Retard Sensationalist fiction that the journalist came up with for the piece.

To wit: in the real world, a guy carrying an firearm without a permit (1) robs a liquor store (2), killing the night clerk (3) in the process. He then steals a tank full of gas (4), illegally merges back onto the highway (5), speeding (6) and crossing state lines with said illegal firearm (7). The chase, firefight in which one pursuing officer is injured (8) ends with a self-inflicted wound (9) from an illegally discharged weapon (10).

In Bizarro World, a guy exposes himself in a Wal-Mart bathroom (1) to an underage child (2). He then leaves Wal-Mart and pulls into the parking lot at Target, where he exposes himself to a series of other children (2-12) and, perhaps, shoplifts a Pokemon deck on the way out.

I fucking hate CNN.

Top Gear US

2008-06-16T20:03:00.006-05:00

Consider my current position on Top Gear US intrigued but slightly cautious.

http://jalopnik.com/5016771/top-gear-officially-coming-to-nbc

Hmmmm...

Pretty Persuasion

2008-06-14T05:36:00.002-05:00

News and Notes, in Roughly Negative Chronological Order:

The National Car Rental "Emerald Club" Tent, Honolulu Int'l Airport: Really? The best you can do for me as an Executive Baller is a choice between a Grand Prix and a Malibu? Really? Grade: D

2007 Chevy Malibu (Rental Version): The actual retail Malibu has won all sorts of words en route to becoming the Great White Hope for GM finding its way out of this mess. Unfortunately, they continued to manufacture the Old Malibu for rental fleets. Grade: C

Hawaii: Sucks. I'm not kidding. Grade: C-

2007 Chevy Cobalt: This was the first rental car I got in Honolulu, with the choice between that and the Pontiac G5. Reasoning that I liked the G5 except for its shitastic interior, and hoping that the Cobalt would improve on that score, I went for the Chevy. BZZZT!! WRONG ANSWER!!! Grade: D+

R.E.M. and Modest Mouse, United Center, Chicago, IL: Modest Mouse was terrible. I'd like to believe that this was just due to their unfamiliarity with the arena concert-going audience, but... it was more than that. There was distinct contempt for their fans. How is Modest Mouse going to play that large a show and not play "Float On?" Are you fucking high? This was a Walkman-level performance (see archives for details).

Luckily, REM fucking delivered. I've had this discussion in meatspace with Steve at least a half dozen times -- REM is extremely underrated, and need to be in the discussion of finest bands of our era. Next time, I will spring for the good seats instead of settling for the upper rafters, parallel to the band, that still cost $45 a head. Grade: B

2007 Dodge Magnum: Surprisingly driveable. Not offensive. I know, I was surprised as hell too. Grade: B

2007 Pontiac G5: A lot of sportiness for a car that you could buy new for like $14K. Not my first choice, but it handled the curving highways into and around Knoxville, TN with aplomb. Grade: B

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Forget your lust for the rich man's gold / what you need is in your soul / And you can do this, if you try / All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. Grade: A

The Throwback Mark Grace Jersey I'm Going to Wear to the Cubs / Sox Game at Wrigley Next Weekend: Oh man, this is going to be fucking sweet. Fuck the Sox. Grade: A+++

Overthinking Things

2008-06-12T11:36:00.003-05:00

Maybe its just because, with the nominations wrapped up and all, things are moving pretty slow, news-wise. But the more I think about it, this VP speculation frenzy may not mean all that much in the long run. I'm just not certain that anyone really gives a shit who the Vice Presidential nominees are. Its probably important for the first 3 weeks or so after the initial announcement, then people stop caring.

There was such a big fuss about what a great pick John Edwards was in 2004, and how he would help mobilize southern votes, but if I recall correctly, he couldn't even deliver his home state. Kerry would have been just as well off picking Dick Gephardt, someone he was personally comfortable with, instead of overthinking the whole thing. I think people don't really think about VP candidates when they are in the ballot box.

I think recent history has shown that if nominees can be elected with people like Spiro Agnew and Dan Quayle on the ticket, it really doesn't matter. Political calculations shouldn't figure too much into this. Nominees should aim for a candidate who would generate a minimum of negative publicity, but also someone who is competent, relatively experienced and credible to step into the office of President at any time. Just pick someone you're personally comfortable with. Don't make too much of it. Jesus.

The Real Question in the NBA

2008-06-09T22:34:00.001-05:00

...will any short white guys who used to play in the NBA be left that aren't GMs or coaches in the NBA? We are very close to disaster.

No way

2008-06-03T17:01:00.002-05:00

There's no way that Obama will take Hillary as VP, is there? It would be a complete fucking disaster.

Observations

2008-05-29T17:32:00.002-05:00

It's not that Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Howard Dean aren't the first people I would pick to bring the nomination to a legitimate and fair (ie, not changing the rules to seat MI and FL) conclusion -- it's that they are the last people I would pick.

State of the Union, 5/23

2008-05-23T11:05:00.005-05:00

White Sox, First Place AL Central
Cubs, First Place NL Central
Bulls, Improbable NBA Draft Lottery Winners
Obama, Presumptive Democratic Nominee

On all counts, I cautiously wait for the other shoe to drop.

Why isn't this for the xbox 360

2008-05-22T18:11:00.001-05:00

http://www.amazon.com/Sony-98141-MLB-08-Show/dp/B00127PZCS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=videogames&qid=1211497826&sr=1-1

:x Bastards. :x

Am I allowed to say this?

2008-05-21T23:59:00.003-05:00

Thank you George Bush.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/21/bush.farmbill.ap/index.html

And fuck you agrobusiness and American farmers. Blow me. YES, sugar subsidies! Necessary for the future of this country and continued inefficient use of sugar beet sugar. That ethanol movement is really helping the working class by not helping the greenhouse gas problem and increasing pressure on food prices.

Notes From the Underground

2008-05-01T18:33:00.002-05:00

Airport food courts are a goldmine of interesting observations about the American body politic. For example, the guy sitting next to me thinks that:

A) McCain is a closet liberal.
B) McCain is pro-choice.
C) The next four years are an opportunity for not only relalignment, but for a third party to emerge that "has values that are important to people."
D) (To his friend in Washington St) "Yeah, Washington's pretty liberal, except for Eastern Washington... it's a little smaller, more country, better values."

Trail Blazers

2008-05-01T18:22:00.003-05:00

Slappy McPopup

2008-04-14T11:58:00.003-05:00

Apr 12 LF Juan Pierre is very unpopular among Dodgers fans, who frequently refer to him on various blogs as Slappy McPopup.

link

"Good News, Everyone!"

2008-04-10T09:52:00.001-05:00

Bad Voodoo Frontline

2008-04-07T13:08:00.001-05:00

You really have to watch the most recent Frontline. I dunno if it's online or not but it's really crazy shit. PTSD is real and it is a bitch.

The Wonder of Progress

2008-04-03T13:24:00.002-05:00

Working from home with a cold beer in one hand, my laptop in another and the Cubbies in glorious high definition on TV.

Of course, judging from the stands, I could just walk down to Wrigley and watch the game in person. I imagine that would stress my claims to "working from home" beyond credulity.

Plus, Dempster just gave up a double to Tony Gwynn Jr. and now the Brewers have men on 2nd and 3rd, no outs, and Fielder up.

Funniness in the form of e-Cards

2008-04-02T08:40:00.009-05:00

It's a true pick-me-up of a site, my friends. LINKY

Presidential Power Rankings, Mach III

2008-03-27T22:38:00.003-05:00

We're just about at April here, and its just as good a time as any to take stock of the remaining Presidential candidates and evaluate their chances. As always, these are subject to change and I hope you can comment on anything I am leaving out or glossing over. Here we go:

1. John McCain - Has risen, phoenix-like, from the ashes of last year. I suppose he got the nomination by default...at the end of the day, there were just too many questions surrounding all the other potentially viable GOP candidates and McCain was the only one left. However, even as he was clearing a path to the nomination last month, winning primary after primary, the wins were ugly - he hardly got a majority in any of the states he ended up winning. The base is just flat out not excited about him. I can't decide if its a good thing or a bad thing that he gets to be unopposed now while Obama and Clinton bash each others' brains in until the convention. On the one hand, it makes him seem above the fray while they sling mud at each other. He can go around the country shoring up his fund raising and making nice with the Evangelicals while the Dems argue. On the other hand, the Democrats are sucking up virtually all the oxygen in terms of news coverage and he is in danger of being forgotten. Plus, it can't be good that even when Obama and Clinton are fighting in states, the turnout and fundraising for the Democrats in their primaries are smashing records, while GOP turnout and fund raising is pathetic in comparison. Still, I put him at top, because all the latest polls have him up on each Democrat by at least 5 percentage points in a hypothetical matchup. Plus, polls show that Clinton supporters will flock to him if Obama is the nominee and vice-vursa. McCain's propensity to appeal to conservative Democrats and independents will help him especially against Clinton; given Obama's ability to attract Republicans and people who otherwise would not be inclined to vote would offset this. Still, a Republican who can win in California would wipe us out in the Electoral college, and a candidate like McCain seems well suited for something like this.

2. Barack Obama - Except for a couple minor hiccups and the firestorm surrounding the Wright affair (which he handled adroitly), he has run a masterful campaign against an Establishment candidate. His ability to win in lilly-white Iowa and then racially diverse South Carolina is fucking impressive, as was his battling Clinton to a draw on Super Tuesday and then routing her the rest of February. As we all know, he leads her in number of states won, share of the popular vote, and number of pledged delegates. Unless the Democratic Party elders decide to fuck him over (and potentially alienating scores of African American and young voters, many of whom are tentatively dipping their toes in the political arena), he can't lose...right? So why do I have such an uneasy feeling? He is so close to the finish line, but until she is dead and buried, I won't believe it. Honestly, he has run a great campaign, and is (largely) avoiding rookie mistakes and stupid gaffes. As previously mentioned, his ability to attract independent and first time voters would potentially offset McCain's advantages. Plus, his fund raising numbers are huge. The major downside seems to be that the race between him and Clinton has gotten so bitter that a lot of the blue collar middle aged white voters that are Hillary's bread and butter (and keyed her victories in states like Ohio) may defect to McCain in the general election if Obama is the Democratic nominee. Plus, would Obama have the edge in Red States like Missouri, Texas, South Carolina and Florida in a general election? Its unclear. McCain is leading him in national polls, but it is still early.

3. Hillary Clinton. Someone needs to tell me the rationale behind her staying in the race. Is it because she realizes that even though she cannot win the nomination, she might be able to cripple Obama in the general, and thus set herself up to go against McCain in four years? Seriously, someone needs to explain this to me. Is it because she somehow thinks that she can convince the Superdelegates to override the will of the people? Do you know how many people would defect from the party? It would be a bloodbath. But that's the Clintons, I guess. They would risk destroying the party to further their own ambitions. Its like my Dad says about them: "Strip away their Yale degrees, and they really are just a couple of low level thugs."

Someone with a real live advanced degree in Poly Sci, please let me know what I am missing in this analysis.

From My TiVo to God's Ears

2008-03-26T14:29:00.001-05:00

This might be the greatest entry on the ESPN ticker of all time:

MLB] Astros 2B Kaz Matsui (surgery to repair anal fissure) expected to miss at least first 2 weeks of season

Music from the '08 era

2008-03-25T11:41:00.005-05:00

I haven't been too crazy about '08 yet, but at least two releases have been getting some repeated listens in my corner of the world. Both are fairly low-key, subdued affairs though, so consider yourselves warned.

The first is Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago. I guess it was released in '07 by some dude who holed up in a shack in Northern Wisconsin and wrote these songs about some chick who broke up with him or something. Anyway, it's pretty freaking amazing...really ephemeral stuff. I do like sad bastard music, like I already said, but there's something really...awesome about this one. Check it.

The other one from this year that I've been spinning a bit lately is Beach House's Devotion. They are from Baltimore and it's just a male-female duo, with the woman doing most of the vocals. (Yes, if I were better at this I'd insert her name, but I'm consistently doing it wrong.) Anyway, it's sort of a dream pop affair, full of atmospheric ghostliness, but not too wispy, if you know what I mean. I recommend checking it out.

On other fronts, and for the guitar driven riff-meisters in our midst, check out Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks' new one (2008) called Real Emotional Trash. A lot of jamminess throughout the thing. I like it so far. I'm not going nuts over it, but it's a good change of pace.

The only other one I can recommend highly is from 2007 (which I just got) by Grinderman, called, aptly enough, Grinderman. It's actually a group featuring Nick Cave on the vocals. C'mon...Nick Cave...need I say more? Dude's a freaking genius. I especially love "No Pu**y Blues..." Apparently Snoop even digs it, so there's that.

That's it, I'm buying a hat

2008-03-17T09:21:00.009-05:00

I'll admit it: I've been away from the NBA for a long while now. I'm not sure exactly why...part of it may have been a lingering hangover from an MJ-less league, part of it may have been the ennui in the faces of NBA superstars (to my eyes, anyway), part of it may have been my own sheer laziness. But all I can say is--wow. These Rockets are fun to watch. No matter that pretty much every play (excepting the Sunday Lakers-Rockets game--a total anomaly) McGrady is handed the ball at the top of the key; you know the guy is going to take 30 shots a game. I just like this scrappy team, even without Yao. Scola is a stud, Mutombo is still a gigantor, Shane Battier, Bobby Jackson...even the guy who hit eight 3-pointers on Sunday.

All I can say is that they have renewed my interest in the sport, even if it will pretty much only revolve around watching them the rest of the season. So, in sum, this infatuation can only mean one thing: I'm buying a damn Rockets hat.

I Do, Adieu

2008-03-12T14:51:00.002-05:00

This morning, I resigned from my law firm. I'm still in kind of a daze about it, but on balance I am certain I did the right thing. I quit for a variety of reasons, many of which parallel those of other attorneys who leave firms; overwork, burn out, stress, ect. For the eight months I worked there, I could never get past the feeling of cold, naked fear that would grip me almost every morning when I got to the office, or when something threatened to spring out of control in court, or when I knew my bosses were about to scream at me, or call me stupid, or when I was impossibly behind on a major project with a deadline looming. The first thing my Doctor told me this past January after I told her my symptoms was "You need to get another job."

I guess I took it for granted that I would be phenomenally successful right out of the gate, and ignored the anecdotes and statistics about the high turnover rate at some of these firms. After only a few weeks, I could see why (and I worked at a relatively small firm set in the suburbs - I can't imagine how some of the bigwigs do it in Wall Street). The work managed to be both mind-numbingly tedious and unreasonably stressful. And I don't think I was really that good at it. And the partners at our firm were perfectionists who belittled you for sport. After a few months, it stops being a healthy environment to be in. I don't have regrets about anything--it was good to see what the private sector is like, and absorb the corporate culture, and get some solid work experience, and I learned a lot. But since December I feel like I've been walking around with my stomach in knots, and I've had difficulty carrying on conversations with my friends about normal stuff. I had a shitty Thanksgiving and Christmas because even though I was surrounded by people I love, I couldn't stop thinking about any one of the hundreds of different things that were back at the office, waiting to blow up in my face (and many of them did). The worst part about it is that many of your mistakes don't come back to haunt you until months afterward. Why, just this week I was called into the Senior Partner's office and ripped into about a file that I hadn't touched since, like, October.

So today I just said fuck it. We left things on a civil note, and I assured them it wasn't personal, it was just time to move on. I'm a little anxious because its a tight job market and I take nothing for granted, but other than that, I feel an enormous sense of relief. The one thing I take from this is no job is worth being miserable day in and day out. I plan on looking for other law firm jobs in the next few weeks and months, because I want to really feel like I experienced the culture of a law firm before I decide that its not for me. I owe it to myself to try it out one more time before I give up on it for good and explore some alternate legal job (public interest? administrative legal work? legal education?) or another career path altogether. I know that in the meantime, I will be okay. Its a tough market out there, no job is guaranteed for me to grab, and my savings are finite. But at least I can relax a little bit today, learn from this experience and move on from there. My continued thanks for your support.

Cold death

2008-03-11T15:07:00.008-05:00

Someone died right in front of me once. It was February 16th, 1991.

I was walking home from work in downtown Minneapolis and the man was postured on the sidwalk. Night had just come. No one else was around.

The man had black hair and wore a camel wool coat, now soaked over a pool of blood. It was cutting a little stream in the snow. His black knit cap had fallen off and his steady blue eyes looked at me. His chest rose and fell like he was catching his breath after climbing too many stairs.

Now, in the movies, dying people in their final moments always say something profound, like Tell so-and-so I love her, or Don't leave me or I don't want to die. He didn't say anything like that. Not even Help me.

I called for an ambulance from the little market two blocks down and returned to the man. Still no one had noticed him. I was alone with the man. I noticed he was about my age.

We watched each other as I sat in the snow beside him. And then he seemed to go to sleep. The ambulance was coming, it was maybe four blocks away.

It started to snow and I stood and walked away.

American Gladiators

2008-03-08T15:13:00.005-06:00

Wherein, as an official Traveling Businessman, I drive an assortment of compact and intermediate-size American cars so you don't have to.

Week One: 2005 Chevrolet Impala SS

This is the worst car I have ever driven.

Luckily for the Impala, I happened to be at the Chicago Auto Show last month, so it can't lay claim to being the worst car I've ever experienced -- even stationary, that honor is still split between a number of Chrysler entrants, including the Caliber and Magnum.

When it comes to motion, though -- sitting down, starting the engine, and then transporting yourself to your destination, the Impala is an utter disaster.

The SS comes with a supercharged V6 that produces 240 hp... with 3.8 liters of displacement, if Wikipedia is correct. I didn't even know that a V6 could be that large until I read the article. Putting aside the abysmal power-to-displacement ratio, you would think that'd make for a pretty responsive ride... until you remember that the Impala weighs, roughly, 7500 lbs. What this means in practical terms is that you spend about 3 seconds wondering why the hell you aren't moving anywhere when you hit the gas, and then the supercharger kicks in and you lurch forward, hurtling your 27-ft long car down the road and praying that there's not anything fragile or vulnerable in any of the series of blind spots and thick, oversized roof pillars that will obstruct your view.

The interior makes no sense at all. Despite its 53' by 17' footprint, the cavernous interior somehow manages to feel small, with a cramped backseat and unintuitive controls. The finish of the materials is not quite bottom of the barrel, but seemingly out of place given that the private consumer would have bought the SS because it's the "better" version. Road noise was cacophonous, which I didn't understand both because this would seem to be a certified Highway Cruiser, and because it's louder than my own car, which is both six inches taller and equipped with a roof rack. Grade: D

Week One, Part Two: 2007 Chevrolet Silverado

To my utter dismay, the people I was working with were headed off-site a day before I was, meaning that we were to return the Impala to the airport and that I needed to get my own ride for the rest of the way.

It turned out that Tuesday, February 26th was a hopping day for the Knoxville scene -- every single rental car agency at the airport was fresh out, except for Enterprise, which had... two brand new pickups available. I arrived at their desk at the same time as one other guy, and I happened to get the Silverado rather than the Dodge Ram. I hope that he was on business too, because I can't imagine actually having to pay the $120 retail price for one day with a rental pick-up out of pocket.

As it turned out, the Silverado is superior to the Impala in almost every regard. Smoother ride, more nimble, better visibility, quieter, better acceleration. I suppose that the ride had something to do with driving it without any load and a full 9 inches to spare on the shocks (see wheel wells in picture above). The fit and finish of the interior wasn't spectacular by any means, but it seemed more appropriate in a work vehicle than in a family sedan like the Impala.

It also got a serious reviewer's tilt by virtue of getting to drive around in a Confederate state in a pickup truck, which gave me the same kick as what I'm told "eco-tourism" is for really rich lefties -- immersing yourself in this quaint, ridiculous social fabric, if only for a moment. Grade: B

Week Two: 2007 Pontiac G5

I returned to Knoxville last week completely on my own; I thought I was being responsible by reserving a "compact" car with National, but apparently that "compact" is American for "spoiler" these days.

In all honesty my curiosity was piqued when I got this one, because I had just assumed that it was the 2-door version of the G6 which, as I vaguely understand it, had gotten relatively reasonable reviews as one in a small but growing stable of GM vehicles that aren't a complete embarrassment.

It turns out that the G5 isn't related to the G6 (which is a rebadged Australian car from Holden, if memory serves) at all. It's a rebadged Chevy Cobalt, which little else to distinguish itself from that line beside the Pontiac grill and some red lettering on the dashboard. Oh, goodie.

The car sits extremely low, and having not spent a lot of time in 2-door coo-pays I didn't realize just how enormously impractical they can actually be until I tried to mount this one while wearing a suit. I ended up settling on a sort of barrel roll for most of the trip, where I planted my left hand on the running board and one foot on the floor, and then sort of launched myself into place.

The biggest shortfall, I thought, is the driving position. No amount of experimentation (and there was experimentation -- although the adjustments weren't electric, I was able to go up and down, forward and backward, and adjust the lumbar support in the seat itself) yielded a position that felt reasonable and provided a good view of the road. Overall, it seemed to exhibit this disasterous pattern of American cars that are somehow derived from a reversed Harry Potter's magic tent in the last novel -- gigantic on the outside, tiny on the inside. With proper direction, I'm sure that a dedicated group of designers could use that expertise to deliver cold fusion.

In the G5's defense, the act of driving itself was surprisingly rewarding. The output from its 2.2L, 145hp is reliable and effective; I'm obviously not an expert driver, but I could definitely tell the difference between the G5 being propelled by the entire powerband as compared to the Impala only lurching into action halfway through its gearing. Road noise was minimal, and it felt pretty well glued to the road. I dare say that it was actually fun to drive through the rolling hills outside of Knoxville, though I have to admit that part of it was probably due to seeing sunshine for the first time in several days after arriving there. Grade: B-

G. Tarkington, fashion model

2008-03-04T14:23:00.006-06:00

If Guy Tarkington wasn't overweight, unemployed, living in his mother's basement and able to afford a $75 polo shirt:

Senator from New York, Idaho

2008-03-04T10:03:00.002-06:00

That wacky Bush!

2008-02-28T11:01:00.001-06:00

When asked if he was concerned about the economy having an effect on Republican John McCain's presidential campaign, Bush said, "I'm concerned about the economy because I'm concerned about working Americans, concerned about people who want to put money on the table and save for their kids' education."

I think he meant "food on the table"

This is the all-time best Bushism:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qDuG0ZYD5I

Rilo Kiley mash-up

2008-02-27T08:33:00.002-06:00

Don't get me wrong, I like it, but Rilo Kiley's "Moneymaker"= The Cars' "Moving in Stereo" + Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive"

What the Hell is Wrong With Kelvin Sampson?

2008-02-13T11:41:00.001-06:00

Seriously. I hate the NCAA as much as the next guy, but it's not like their recruiting guidelines are that complicated.

Also, screw Eric Gordon.

The Third-Rate Fourth Estate

2008-02-12T09:30:00.000-06:00

I hate buying into conventional American Politics analyses of media, framing and electoral behavior, but it is really tough to accept this ham-handed, curiously-Super-Chesapeake-Tuesday timed lead story in the New York Times in any other way. It resuscitates every Clinton race-baiting storyline from the South Carolina primary--which was, oh, a month ago--and unceremoniously regurgitates it back into their readership's consciousness without provocation.

"Seeking Unity, Obama Feels Pull of Racial Divide."

"...Barack Obama had hoped to be above racial tensions, but he has been pulled into the thick of them."

"...Mr. Obama and his advisers hoped would be the tone of a campaign they were determined not to define by the color of his skin."

"... As he heads into a fresh round of contests Tuesday, the Potomac primaries, in a tight rivalry with Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York and with an impressive record of victories across the nation in which he drew significant white votes and overwhelming black support, he claims to have accomplished that goal." (Emphasis added)

"...the Rev. Jesse Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton..."

Hey, guess what, jackasses? It took me all of five minutes to determine that Obama won 68% of the vote in a state (Washington) where blacks make up... 3.6% of the population. But please, don't let that disturb the echosphere.

Super Tuesday

2008-02-06T10:28:00.001-06:00

Really a super interesting night to see how much most of between the coasts America just does not cooperate with the democratic party machine, especially sort of against type. I mean, Obama is more liberal, black, etc. Yet he takes more conservative democratic states like Minnesota, Dakotas, Utah, Kansas and Missouri (well not so much in Missouri with its huge urban population)? Shows you how much midwesterners dislike Hillary Clinton, I guess. The really substantial win by Hillary in California is not a race ender, but is really a huge blow IMHO. Especially the margin of victory, really quite substantial. Clinton won less states yesterday, but she definitely won all the ones that counted most.

It's funny, the big thing people were thinking that would be a problem with race for Obama would be whites shying away from him. Turns out that the fact that Latinos and African Americans hate each other in most urban areas is turning out to be the most telling barrier. Another sort of revealing and interesting thing taken from this already unusual race.

As for the Republican race, it's over. Shows you why the race has early states set consecutively before the big states--in order to *coordinate* on two candidates. When that coordination fails, you see some predictable results for the two candidates with the closest ideal points. Nevertheless, for the Republicans, I think the result was good news for America in general. I wouldn't vote for him (despite what others on the lemur, have, to my surprise, said they would do), but I certainly wouldn't fear for America's safety with McCain at the helm. All you have to do is look at the anger among conservative nutjobs to see that the country will benefit from a Obama/Clinton--McCain presidential race.

Suck it Down, Neill

2008-02-01T14:05:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday. Now please tell me why Hillary Clinton became the Democratic Party Establishment's choice to be the 2008 nominee? Seriously, what is it about her that gives them the feel of a sure thing? Why did they rally around her immediately, raising billions of dollars? It reminds me of how Bush was the Establishment GOP pick in 1999. Sure, there was name recognition and he was seen as a moderate executive of a large state who could cross party lines easily to get stuff done. But she has been such a polarizing figure for so long--what's more, if you really dissect her appearances and listen to what she's saying on the campaign trail and how she is saying it, she's a sub-par candidate, in my opinion. Doesn't fire people up, parses her answers, lacks charisma, ect. There are plenty of Dems (Obama aside) with name recognition who can use the experience card like she has. Why did they rally to HER? Was it Bill Clinton's influence within the party? The delusion that a female nominee would turn out millions of otherwise disinclinated voters? I just don't get it. Because she's an inferior candidate compared to Obama, and if my hunch is correct, she's going to have the nomination wrapped up by Tuesday night because no matter what happened in Iowa, New Hampshire or SC, the Establishment was always going to support her.
Someone, for the love of all that is Holy, tell me why. Because I really think that when she gets the nomination, McCain will wipe the floor with her. He will appeal to conservative Dems and populist Independents, and as much as the GOP base despises him, I have the hunch they hate her more. It just seems like a fucking lose-lose. Obama had at least the chance to tap into Independents or Disaffected Republicans and win them over. But now this. Ugh. I demand an explanation as to why she was Anointed.

Quick Question

2008-01-24T20:08:00.001-06:00

I'm sitting here getting bombed on red wine and watching the GOP debate as it crashes into my face like a speedboat propeller, and I'm confused about precisely one thing:

Did Giuliani always speak with such a noticeable lisp?

Thoughts on Mardi Gras

2008-01-23T09:46:00.000-06:00

This past weekend saw our annual (2 years strong!) pilgrimage to New Orleans for the beginning of the Mardi Gras parades. This early portion is nowhere near the hullabaloo of the later dates (from what others tell me), but nonetheless, it fucking delivers. So here are a few thoughts/musings, in no particular order...

1. Catholicism allows this shit? I mean...damn. I realize that it sort of transcends the religious aspects now, and is probably more of a party/social gathering than anything else, but there is some seriously wild shit that goes on at these things. Pasties, cod pieces, and chaps, oh my!

2. New Orleans is part of the United States? Seriously, everything about this city is practically foreign to me (or US, if you will indulge me on that shitty pun). The bars are open 24 hours, live funk pours from every watering hole within spitting distance, and the foods...oh the foods! Delicious culinary delight! Boudin balls, Praline Bacon, Red Beans and Rice, Bread Pudding, Muffaletta, Shrimp Po' Boys...

3. Getting dressed up in costume is not really about being somebody or something that everyone can recognize, but rather being seen and being outrageous. This sort of made sense after we had been dancing in the costume ball in front of the 101 Runners and their humongous, resplendent feathered headdresses and I realized that at least 10 people in front of us were, in fact, dressed up in giant sperm costumes.

4. New Orleans is still in pretty bad shape. Many of the buildings are falling down, crumbling and moldy. The streets aren't exactly any better. As we drove on I-10 up over and around the French Quarter, my friend pointed out a bunch of large, white tents. They were put in after the storm for temporary shelter of some sort, and now serve as the central lockup, nearly 2.5 years later.

5. Considering the mold problems, I dunno how the people with sinus issues can handle living down there. All my friends were suffering terribly, and they had only been there a few days.

6. Even though it's the South, it can get pretty damn cold. Being out at midnight when it's 35 with a 30 MPH wind chills to the bone.

I Want To Stick My Head in an Oven

2008-01-22T20:27:00.000-06:00

Last year, my brother and Dad convinced me that I was an idiot to be keeping what meager savings I had in a Bank CD. I took their advice and threw it all in one of those Vanguard Index Funds that tracks the S & P 500. I am by no means a sophisticated investor, and I know I am supposed to be focusing on the long term benefits of what I am doing, but I am getting bitch slapped every day and its making me even more nervous and edgy that usual.

I'm told that the best time time to invest is when the market is slumping, but when its your money that's dwindling away at light speed, its hard to be so forward thinking.

On a completely unrelated note, go catch "No Country For Old Men." I think its my favorite movie I've seen all year. Although "Michael Clayton," and "Enchanted," are pretty goddamned good, too.

The Following Contains Adult Situations

2008-01-21T08:43:00.000-06:00

I followed through on an idle threat to file my tax returns early this year, and managed to bang them out last night.

I came within about $200 of an estimated sales tax deduction being larger than the standard deduction on the federal form.

Fucking Chicago.

Cloverfield = Awesome

2008-01-19T16:37:00.001-06:00

Just one man's opinion.

Recursion

2008-01-17T15:47:00.001-06:00

I spent about 2 weeks last spring enamored with the idea of a Michael Bloomberg presidential run. I've followed politics one way or another from a (relatively) young age, and then studied the subject in a Ph.D. program; that, plus my advancing age, has turned me off from a lot of the process. Those few ideological principles I've hung on to are either stuck in an unsatisfying, tense gridlock (pro-choiceism) or held hostage as we wait for a lot more people born before 1968 to die off (gay unions). So, the concept of a post-ideological campaign that would presumably be a lot more concerned with making the goddamn trains run on time was pretty attractive. Plus, anything that wedges off more Wall Street Republicans from their mouth-breathing, dirt-farming, gay-bashing, Negro-lynching bretheren and hand the election to the Democrats could only be a good thing, right?

Imagine my sigh of disappointment upon reading the following from the Times:

The mayor, who spoke from 1:17 p.m. to 2:05 p.m., called for taking DNA samples from every person arrested in New York City, no matter how serious the crime; ending social promotion for eighth graders, as he has already done for students in three younger grades; and extending a $400-a-year property tax rebate and a 7 percent property tax deduction despite mounting budget pressures. He promised to give “a six-figure prize” to anyone who invents a device that allows the Police Department to analyze DNA immediately, at crime scenes.

1) This is some fascist fucking shit. DNA swabs for carrying a dime bag? Shoplifting? And how long until that DNA database gets stolen out of the backseat of somebody's car and then, without explanation, ends up in the hands of your health insurance provider. "Mr. Dudebro, there is no possible way that we could cover your soon-to-be-preexisting diabetes."

2) What is with this country's fascination with forensic science? Although roughly 90% of television hinges on crimes that are either unsolvable (Cold Case), can only be solved by magic (CSI) or only be solved by the four competent law enforcement personnel in Manhattan (Law & Order), I feel like that's not how the world actually works. 96 crimes out of 100 must either be drug possession, spousal abuse or killing someone in your immediate family. In what fucking world are criminals running around scot-free because the crime lab couldn't return a blood type on time? And "instant DNA analysis" is something you need to invest a 100K bounty + R&D and distribution costs for?

Pretty much all the crimes that Vic Mackey solves are essentially random and gang-related, and his entire precinct has one fucking computer.

Another Open Letter

2008-01-09T09:15:00.000-06:00

To all of the half-wit sportswriters who are clamoring for a 4 team, "Plus One" playoff system in college football:

Who would your four teams have been in 2007? Pick four from the group of

A) Georgia
B) LSU
C) USC
D) Missouri
E) Ohio State
F) West Virginia
G) Kansas

and base your argument solely on regular season results, since that's what you would have had to do were the system in place this year. You are not allowed to count Ohio State's idle week against them, since it's not their fault that the Big Ten doesn't have the 12 teams required for a conference championship game.

---

Answer Key: The only problem with the BCS is that the fucking voters don't ever think about fucking strengths-of-schedule until after the season. If they would vote better, or stop revising the BCS formula every year to weigh the polls more and more heavily, this wouldn't be a problem.

Presidential Power Rankings, Part II

2007-12-30T16:10:00.000-06:00

Iowa is coming up in less than a week, New Hampshire to follow shortly thereafter. I cannot remember a more upside down race in recent history. Voters seem apathetic about all the options in front of them. The polls show tightening races all over the place. I am not sure this time around how much of a bounce Iowa will provide--I don't think it will slingshot its winner to the nomination automatically, the way it did for Kerry in 2004, but the victor will undeniably gain a ton of buzz heading into New Hampshire and the larger states. I will go once again with the top 7 most viable candidates...I have replaced Thompson (whose effort seems to be fading fast) with Huckabee (who has been surging the last couple weeks). Let me know how accurate you think these predictions are; once again, this is in order of likelihood of being President if the general election was held today.

1. Mitt Romney--He's weathered the storn thus far, and poured a considerable amount of time and money and energy into Iowa. In the late stages, he is doing a fairly decent job fending off Huckabee's surge, and his speech about his faith--while not exactly a barnburner--did enough to quiet suspicions about him for now. He has the best organized team, and he leaves nothing to chance--qualities which will help him overcome his robotic exterior and repuation as a soulless flip-flopper.

2. John McCain--Will lose bad in Iowa, but is coming on strong in New Hampshire. He has risen from the dead and is finishing up strong. As GOP voters worry about Romney's lack of spine, Giuliani's social positions, and Huckabee's nationwide appeal, McCain's pragmatism and experience seem more and more appealing. He will be a player before this thing is said and done.

3. Barack Obama-- Successfully retooled his campaign approach and decided to come after Clinton hard. His attacks have not blunted his wide appeal, and his numbers have steadily risen in Iowa, New Hamoshire and SC. He has erased double digit leads by Clinton and is runninng neck and neck with ehr and Edwards. The only downside is his caucas-goers are young college kids primarily who have no idea how to mobilize properly. I suspect Clinton's vote turning machine will be rivaled by no one, but Obama still retains most of the buzz.

4. John Edwards--Playing the Kerry role from 2004. Has gone from a distant third to neck and neck with the other two. He is closing masterfully and his populist rhetoric hardly ever veers into class warfare. Plus, never underestimate being the lone white male in the race. He has more buzz than Clinton, just not as much as Obama. Labor will back him solidly.

5. Hillary Clinton--Still the establishment's choice, but has responded poorly to attacks from Obama and Edwards. Her tightly controlled press appearances have reminded many of the current White House. The buzz seems to be off for now, but the distance between her, Obama and Edwards is still pretty slim. Anything can happen, and I would never underestimate the ability of the old Clinton hands (the Begalas and Carvilles, ect) to tap into the DNC apparatus to churn out the votes. Still, her star has dimmed quite a bit for now. On the other hand, if she can still hang on and win Iowa or at least finish a very close second, she still stands the chance of running the table. How's that for equivocating?

6. Rudolph Giuliani-- As we have suspected, though he has been the national front runner for some time, his numbers were soft. He seemed like a placeholder, and his latest tumbles confirm that. Its not just that he is percieved as liberal on social issues; its that he just hasn't been that impressive as a candidate in general. Plus, I really think that his strategy of waiting out Iowa and NH and holding out hope that people still remember him by the time Super Tuesday rolls around is retarded. Its all about the buzz you have, and winning Iowa and NH gives a candidate a formidable oresence. For him to so easily forsake those states was a silly tactical move, and one that has damaged him.

7. Mike Huckabee-- His strength in Iowa has been impressive, but I do not think he has the wide recognition or appeal (or finances) to build upon an impressive showing there. If he wins Iowa, he will be like Pat Robertson in 1988; I don't see him making much of his efforts here, but his leap to the first tier of candidates with such limited resources is nontheless impressive.

***in sum, I think Romney wins narrowly in Iowa over Huckabee and then he and McCain slug it out in NH. On the Democratic side, I really see a way for Obama or Edwards to take out Clinton in Iowa and really make a dent in her aura of invincibility*** You guys should let me know if my analysis is wildly off the mark. These days, I get my facts from Meet the Press and Drudge. I know very little, but thrse are my impressions.

Don't Cry for Me, Argentina

2007-12-27T16:40:00.001-06:00

It's early, but it's clear there's going to be a whole lot of horseshit about Benazir Bhutto and how her assassination is a tragedy, with the one light for a progressive Muslim state was extinguished in a hail of gunfire.

As Chuck D might say, "Don't believe the hype."

Or, as the O.D.B. might say -- were he not a martyred democrat in his own right -- "Bitch took my money!"

Indeed, bitch did take my money -- except by "my" I mean Pakistan's, and by "money" I mean hundreds of millions of dollars. US dollars. The real ones. While the NY Times might now be leading the charge in whitewashing her past here in the west -- the early obituary on their web site's front page describes her as an "charismatic and sly political operator" -- they also ran a story 8 years ago describing the $100M that was probably just the tip of the fucking iceberg. This would seem to lay bare the fact that Bhutto, like so many other Harvard-educated heads of illiberal states, was at best a secular kleptocrat. And, like so many other failed states, she was a kleptocrat that perpetuated the worst kind of inherited rule in a nominally democratic system.

Of course, everyone will be desperate to find some sort of good vs. evil storyline to make sense of the total clusterfuck that is Pakistan. The central conflict of assassin vs. assass...ee is straightforward enough; and since the assassin's a terrorist we're left with Bhutto as the hero. I would urge us all to remember that having boobs doesn't necessarily qualify you for sainthood.

"What's a Tortoise?"

2007-12-19T15:26:00.000-06:00

My advance New Year's Resolution is to save more, but the 5-disc version of Blade Runner was just released and the consumer-whoritude cortex of my frontal lobe is twitching.

Point Break

2007-12-18T16:17:00.001-06:00

The NFL can do many things -- not provide an adequate health care or assistance program for ex-players, blackmail their fans into publicly-funded stadiums, found a boondoggle of a private cable network to undermine their own business -- but they cannot, they will not, make me care about the Pro Bowl.

Ball Don't Lie

2007-12-18T09:03:00.000-06:00

Circle the Wagons!

2007-12-14T12:15:00.000-06:00

Jesus, christ, you should hear the ESPN sportwriters getting together to poo poo the Mitchell report, specifically on Roger Clemens. It is fucking disgusting. Baseball journalism is by far the worst sports journalism. Of course, if you read firejoemorgan.com you already know that.

Early Predictions

2007-12-13T13:08:00.000-06:00

As has already leaked, Roger Clemens is included in the Mitchell Report on steroid abuse in baseball. I predict a number of people will be shocked -- shocked! -- that a 45 year old man who regularly pitches in playoff games after 6 weeks of preparation would have had any chemical enhancement.

I further predict that one of the few (only?) big-name, big-production player who isn't named is Alex Rodriguez. I think he's just a genetic freak who has freakish purple lips and is just a little weird.

Your New Favorite Blog

2007-12-12T10:11:00.000-06:00

Gil Arenas, letting you know what he's watching on TV and what he thinks of Emeka Okafor trying to get paid the same as Dwight Howard.

Fuck Yeah

2007-12-11T17:01:00.001-06:00

I was informed by a professor today that somebody had already collected all 19th century elections in a dataset. Hell fucking yeah. That just saved me months and months of my life.

Second Life

2007-12-11T14:15:00.000-06:00

Having burned 4 years of my life in acquiring a non-terminal degree that hasn't contributed anything to my resume, I find myself in the position of working with a lot of people who are two to three years younger than I am.

One of the upshots is that it provides a little color that my otherwise straight-laced, incredibly responsible existence wouldn't. For example, a friend of mine here had a drunken one-night stand the other day. With another employee. Who managed to pee his bed in her sleep. And who then, having failed to wake up early enough to make a stealth escape from his apartment, jetted under the pretense of having a "client meeting" to prepare for. On a Saturday morning. Without her underwear.

Crowdsurfing...

2007-12-10T15:42:00.001-06:00

...is the Next Big Thing. You may have noticed that the mainstream media these days are bending over backwards to let every retarded hillbilly have their editorial say-so on world events. It's a pretty straightforward attempt to coast on that whole "blogging" thing that the kids are into, wherein people repost NY Times stories, add a sentence or two of pith and call it a brave new Journalism.

Anyway, ESPN has added a similar function, "ESPN Conversation." Readers of any page on the site can add a comment, and then, magically, the best or most representative comments get included on that page in a special, highlighted position. Let's go to the video tape!

---
Title: "Man falls over railing, pronounced dead at scene during game."
Body:

SAN FRANCISCO -- A fan attending the Minnesota Vikings-San Francisco 49ers game at Monster Park died when he fell at least 20 feet from an upper concourse to the mezzanine level, team and local police said.
The man, 31, went to a concession area near halftime, according to a report in the San Francisco Chronicle. He fell over a wall that is 4 feet high and 6 inches wide with a 4-inch sloping ledge.
"This person tried to jump up on one of the walls to sit, and he misjudged and he fell," said San Francisco police spokesman Sgt. Neville Gittens said, according to the Chronicle.
According to 49ers vice president Lisa Lang, paramedics worked on the man for about 30 minutes. He was pronounced dead at the scene. The man's identity has been withheld, pending notification of his family and an investigation by a medical examiner.
"The police did their investigation, they interviewed witnesses and security, and they are treating it as an accident," Lang said.

Contortionists

2007-12-07T09:50:00.000-06:00

At first I was amused by Romney's attempt to manufacture history by taking a bullet for the Church of Latter-Day Saints (of Gold Tablets and Magic Hats). Now though, as is so often the case, I'm angry.

Kennedy's 1960 "It's Okay to be Catholic!" speech was premised on the idea that while we can't expect religious candidates for office to suddenly drop everything they believe in, we can -- must -- require them to not use office as a vehicle for the faith. This is otherwise known as "obeying the Constitution."

Romney's speech argued that being a Christian is a requirement for public office, but that conservatives should skootch the velvet rope over a bit to include Mormons. That was it. That was the entire speech. That, and we should talk about faith in politics, make sure that our officials are Christian, but not ask them about what they actually believe. God forbid if we actually got an answer about why the president wears magic underwear, or why they think Native Americans are actually Israelites cast out of the Holy Land, or why his church really hated black people.

That said, the Speed Racer trailer looks sweet.

You've Got to be Kidding Me

2007-11-21T12:44:00.001-06:00

Obama attacks Clinton for not being sufficiently pro-ethanol.

Remember folks, keep fighting against electoral primary reform. Putting Iowa and New Hampshire first is tradition, dang nabbit, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a communist and is not to be trusted.

An Open Letter to Nintendo, EA, and an Increasing Number of Other Parties

2007-11-15T10:33:00.000-06:00

Dear Sirs:

I make a decent amount of money, and I spend a very healthy fraction of that money on frivolous electronic toys. That means I am, potentially, a pretty reliable and attractive customer for you.

The flip side of having a decent job, as it turns out, is that you have to actually show up and do some work so that your employer keeps giving you a paycheck every two weeks.

I only mention this because that constraint on my time means that I'm not going to spend the free time I do have trying to run an goddamn obstacle course in order to purchase your products.

I'm not going to camp out in front of Target at 7 AM on a Sunday morning just in case the new shipment of Wiis comes in. I'm not going to pre-order Rock Band 6 months in advance before I even know what songs are on the soundtrack. I am not going to read up on cunning strategy from the mouth-breathers at fatwallet.com in order to maybe, possibly, show up at the right place on the right day at the right time with the right series of planets in concurrent orbit in order to enjoy the distinct privilege and honor of giving you my money -- through an approved middleman, of course! -- for your product.

I am not going to do your market research or inventory management for you. If you want to sell a lot of product, then you need to fucking plan ahead in order to get enough components from your vendors and build enough products to satisfy demand. Since I'm not a moron, I certainly don't believe you'd artificially limit the supply of your product -- but now that I'm in business, I can certainly believe you're too fucking incompetent to do the job required on logistics and distribution management.

In order to properly incentive-ize you to improve on those marks, I'm going to go ahead and keep pissing away cash on XBox 360 games that I can walk into a store and purchase without having to do any work a priori other than deciding if I, you know, want the game.

Warmest regards,
Neill

Democracy in America

2007-11-09T08:46:00.000-06:00

Ladies and gentleman, the man who is going to save us from the grim harvest of hair product that would be a Mitt Romney presidency, Mike Huckabee.

"Still, there is a new sense of possibility in the Huckabee campaign. It has been fueled in large part by evangelicals, including a politically active home-schooling population, dissatisfied with his better-financed competitors ... He is an ardent proponent of the “fair tax,” which would scrap the national income tax for a national sales tax."

I just wrote out a crack about how conservatism ought to be recategorized as brain damage, but I thought of a better joke -- the image of a generation of home-schooled historians, trying to make sense out of the bizarre political cleavages of our times, but unable to wrap their spelling-bee-winning brains around anything more complicated than Veggie Tales.

Clapton shreds

2007-10-26T08:45:00.000-05:00

Funny y/n?

The Televised Revolution

2007-10-20T20:35:00.000-05:00

On El Jefe's request, here are my thoughts on how to piss a shitload of money away on a high-definition television:

(in progress!)

1> TECHNOLOGY

Technically, there are four different types of HD TV: CRT, DLP, LCD and plasma. CRT TVs have the same picture tube as a traditional television. This means that they're heavy as hell and only available up to ~30" screen sizes, and have been surpassed in price-to-performance for even those smaller displays. DLP is a dark-horse candidate; it has good picture quality and scales much more readily to large screen sizes than either plasma or LCD. However, it does take up quite a bit more real estate on account of not having a flat screen; it also produces visual artifacts for some users (a twirling, "color wheel" effect). That issue has become less salient as DLP sets have moved onto LCD mirrors.

While DLP certainly has its applications, most potential HD TV consumers want to bring the sexy back with a flat screen, which means plasma or LCD.

LCD screens typically cost a bit more than plasma, but they also tend to have higher resolutions. They also, historically, have higher latency between frame updates. This means that, for applications with fast-moving objects (sports and video games), you might see "trails" or some smearing. Some name-brand LCDs, such as Samsungs, have a discrete "game mode" that will reduce that latency. LCDs trail plasma displays in contrast ratio, or the ability to show bright colors vs. dark colors in the same environment. They also are immune to "burn-in," or artifacts produced by static images over long periods of time, which brings us to...

Plasmas, which (in my experience) do a better job of producing bright, vibrant color, but at the expense of the risk of burn-in. The two big name-brand plasma developers, Panasonic and Pioneer, produce displays that--if the Intartubes are to be believed--are no more prone to burn-in than traditional CRTs. That said, it's still a possibility, and unfortunately it's a possibility that is extremely hard to estimate, particularly over the lifespan of a $1500 investment. They do better with sports, but then video games frequently have the static displays you'd be most worried about in terms of burn-in.

For what it's worth, when I faced this decision myself I ended up going with a 42" Panasonic plasma, purchased from CostCo (model TH-42PX6U). For me, plasma consisently produced a better image than LCDs in all the store displays I saw. I've had it for almost 9 months and haven't seen any evidence of burn-in; at the same time, I always worry about it in the back of my mind when I watch letterboxed content.

II> RESOLUTION

1080P, Sony tells us, is the One True HD specification. The reality is that the standards bodies define three HD standards: 720P, 1080I and 1080P. The number in each refers to the lines of vertical resolution. Since HDTVs nowadays are all shaped on a 16:9 aspect ratio, this equates to resolutions of 1280 x 720 and 1920 x 1080. I and P refer to interlaced versus progressive-scan output; progressive-scan writes all of the lines of resolution to the screen at the same time, while interlaced writes odd- and even-numbered lines in alternating cycles. For this reason, 720P content is usually more visually attractive than 1080I, even though the latter technically displays more information.

Your choice as a consumer, then, is whether to buy a 720P or 1080P native resolution display. Panels with 1920x1080 pixels are, of course, more expensive. It's not clear whether or not that expense worth it. HD television programming is only available in 720p / 1080i, and HD video game consoles render internally at 720p. Furthermore, for most room dimensions you won't be able to perceive the difference in resolution -- see this comparison.

Happy Trails

2007-10-19T17:35:00.000-05:00

This will likely be a most unpopular posting, given the loyalties of the individual members of this site, and I will no doubt be accused of knee-jerk Yankee sycophantry (is that a word?), but the plain truth of the matter is that despite what you may think of his owner or his players, Joe Torre is a fine baseball manager and probably did not deserve to be shown the door. He has presided over the most successful team since the advent of free agency, a team that has been to twelve consecutive postseasons, and I always admired his tendency to not outthink himself when managing a game. He trusts his players and bench coaches and gets the fuck out of the way. None of that Lou Pinella blustery bullshit or Bobby Valentine getting thrown out of a game and then reappearing in the dugout disguised as Groucho Marx. Say whatever you will about his team, but Torre inspires loyalty, and his accomplishments speak for themselves. And if you still think I'm full of crap, note that no less an authority than the Sports Guy agrees with me:

http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=1265172

Let the nasty comments fly.

Something you always needed-but didn't know you did

2007-10-15T11:26:00.000-05:00

http://marmadukeexplained.blogspot.com/

This blog is totally awesome. Every day, he explains the Marmaduke comic. Since Marmaduke often makes very little traditional sense, it becomes humorous very quickly.

Pander (intr. verb): "To cater to the lower tastes and desires of others or exploit their weaknesses."

2007-10-11T11:23:00.000-05:00

We won't do anything about the ongoing genocide in Darfur, armed suppression in Burma or open political assassinations in Syria, but by golly we can--and will!--make sure that System of a Down sees that justice is served.

Never Again.

Fucking Yankees

2007-10-09T21:26:00.001-05:00

I cannot express how happy I will be if/when the Yankees do not keep A-rod for his lack of competitive fire. Despite the fact Derek Jeter sucked so much major ass in this series it isn't even funny. See firejoemorgan.com for more analysis, but I will giggle.

Comcast, Part II

2007-10-02T10:49:00.000-05:00

While I have nothing but solidarity with Steve's ongoing struggle with Comcast -- indeed, our sum total of struggle against cable companies that rely on their municipal franchises to take us for the proverbial "ride" -- I finally got Comcast to agree to sell me HD programming.

If anyone wants to stop by for the Cubs' playoff games, you should totally grab a sixer and come on over.

Rainbows

2007-10-01T19:32:00.000-05:00

So Radiohead are releasing an album in 10 days. If you buy it online, and go to the cart, apparently it just tells you "whatever you think is right" in the price department and lets you put in whatever you want. Huh.

For me, I think what I was looking for from the download revolution was just a significant reduction in prices for CDs, like 5-8 dollars each. I'm not sure this is really much a solution to the problem. Though it is a beautiful "fuck you" to the music industry which I certainly appreciate.

They were really being creative with that one: a flame whip

2007-09-28T08:14:00.000-05:00

http://www.cinemassacre.com/Movies/Nes_Nerd.html

This kid is great but kind of grating.